12 Things Happy People Do Differently

Happy people value and choose:

 1. Love over Fear: People, who are truly happy, are less fearful and more loving. They perceive every moment, every challenge, and every person as an opportunity to learn more about themselves and the world.

2. Acceptance over Resistance:  Happy people know that you can’t really change things by denying and resisting them. So when bad things happen, they don’t fight, get angry and complain. Instead, they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I make this better?

3. Forgiveness over Unforgiveness: Truly happy individuals understand that it’s destructive to hold on to feelings of anger. Instead, they choose to forgive and let go, understanding that (in the end) forgiveness is a gift they give themselves.

4. Trust over Mistrust: They trust themselves … and they have learned to figure out the trustworthy people – and those they should avoid.

5. Meaning over Ambition: Happy people do the things they do because it adds meaning and purpose to their lives. They’re not driven by the need to gain acceptance, praise and approval from others. 

6. Challenges over Obstacles: Happy people see problems as challenges, and as opportunities to explore new ways of seeing and doing things. That is, challenges are something that help them to grow.

7. Selflessness over Selfishness:  Happy people seek out ways ways to give to others - of themselves, their time, of their money, and their gifts. That is, they’re not self-focused and self-absorbed.

8. Kindness over Harshness: Happy people are gentle and kind with themselves and others. They know the importance and power of self-love, self-forgiveness and self-acceptance - and they freely love, forgive and accept other people, too.

9. Gratitude over Ingratitude: No matter where they are, or who they are with, happy people have the capacity to see beauty where others would only see ugliness – and they’re quick to express their gratitude, as well.

10. Being Present over Being Disengaged:  Happy people know how to live in the moment, appreciating what they have and who they are with. They are not constantly being dragged down by the past, or distracted by what could happen (or go wrong) in the future.

11. Positivity over Negativity: Regardless of the circumstances of life, happy people are able to adopt and maintain a positive, and upbeat, attitude and perspective.

12. Taking Responsibility over Blaming: Happy people assume full ownership for their lives. They assume responsibility for their life, choices, decisions, actions, reactions, beliefs and attitudes.

7 Powerful Steps to Positive Thinking

1. Seek to focus on what you want instead of what you don’t want: A mistake we tend to make when we’re faced with a problem is to think and talk about it all the time - instead of focusing our thinking on what we want instead.

2. Recognise that every problem comes with a lesson: There’s a lesson to be learned from all that happens to us. We can become a better person - even when things have gone wrong. 

3. Don’t believe everything you think: Our problems aren’t as big as the mind tries to convince us. Don’t believe all those negative and self-defeating thoughts.

4. Choose to be grateful in everything: Although it’s hard to be grateful when things are going wrong, we can usually find something we can be grateful for - and the more we choose gratitude, the happier we’ll feel.

5. Let go of your need for perfection: If you try to be perfect in everything you do, you will always feel you’re failing, and you’ll live with constant stress. Do you best – as perfection’s not a realistic goal.

6. Let go of your resistance:  Accept things as they are - you don’t always have to change them. Life’s not meant to be a struggle, or a constant battle ground.

8. Seek to be present in everything you do: When you give yourself completely to living in the moment, you’ll find that life is easier - and you feel much more relaxed.

8 Things to Stop Worrying About

1. Other peoples’ expectations of you. At the end of the day, it’s yourlife not their life - so just be yourself and set,and go for, your own goals.

2. What other people say and do. It’s not up to us to control other people, or to change how they act, or to make their decisions.

3. Expecting perfection. It’s unrealistic to aim for perfection. You’ll just be disappointed and discouraged all the time.

4. Getting it wrong. We all make mistakes in our journey through this life. That’s simply part of learning, and being normal and human.

6. Fitting in. Although social skills matter, and it’s good to think of others, you also need to be yourself - a special, unique individual. Beware - conformity can kill individuality.

7. Being right. This is highly over-rated and can cause a lot of stress. If you’re confident and real you don’t need to prove you’re right!

8. Life being out of control. At the end of the day, there’s not much we can control – except our own reactions and our attitudes to problems. So change what you can – and then relax and enjoy life.   

7 Ways To Say No

1. “I can’t commit to this as I have other priorities at the moment.” This lets the person know your plate is full at the moment.

2. “Now’s not a good time as I’m in the middle of something. How about we reconnect at X time?” This lets the person know it’s not a good time. However, you also convey your desire to help by suggesting another time (at your convenience). This way, the person doesn’t feel blown off.

3. “I’d love to do this, but …” This is a gentle way of saying no. It’s encouraging as it lets the person know you like the idea but I can’t take part due to other reasons, such as prior commitments.

4. “Let me think about it first and I’ll get back to you.”
This is more like a “Maybe” than a straight out “No”. If you are interested but you don’t want to say ‘yes’ just yet, use this.

5. “This doesn’t fit with what I’m looking for now - but I’ll keep you in mind.” Sometimes it is just best to turn the person/ offer down. Otherwise, the discussion can drag on and on.

6. “I’m not the best person to help on this. Why don’t you try X?” Again, sometimes it is best to say you’re the wrong person to help etc. If possible, refer them to a lead they can follow-up on instead.

7. “No, I can’t.” The simplest and most direct way to say no.

How to find your PUROSE

1. Take time to ponder the important questions like: “What really matters most of all in life; what do I want to have achieved in the end; how do I want to feel when I look back, and review the kind of life that I have lived?”

2. Make time for solitude and silence. Filling every minute makes it hard to listen to our intuition, or that inner guiding voice.

3. Seek out people who inspire you to live well – and then consciously learn what you can from them. 

4. Consciously monitor your progress. It is easy to slip back into unproductive habits. Hence, we need to be committed to sticking to our plan. If it helps, be accountsble to a friend, or at least write down your goals so you can check how you’re progressing.

5. Accept that struggles, disappointments and setbacks will always be part of your experience. There will be times when you are tempted to give up and stop trying … but choosing to keep going will lead you to your dreams.

How to Succeed in Relationships

1. Pay attention to the way you react to others. Are you quick to form judgments before hearing all the facts?  Do you tend to stereotype people? Try and stand back and analyse your interactions with other people. Is there anything you should change, or do differently? Try putting yourself in their place, and thinking about their outlooks, opinions and needs.

2. What are you like at work or school? Do you try to get attention and be noticed for your successes? It is possible to be humble and self-confident at the same time. When you are humble, you focus on the successes of others. However, you’re also aware of your gifts and strengths, and are quietly confident about your abilities to work well, do a good job, and achieve success.

3. Be open to admitting you may have some weaknesses! All of us have areas we could work on, and improve. Admitting you’re not perfect is not the same as feeling as if you’re a failure. Do an honest self-evaluation and try to turn your weaknesses into strengths?

4. Look at the way your deal with stress, and how you react to stressful situations. Do you get annoyed and upset every time there’s a delay or your plans get frustrated? Do you take the role of victim and start blaming others? Being able to regulate your emotions and stay calm and composed in tough situations is a mark of high emotional intelligence. This is key for succeeding in relationships, at school and in the business world.

5. Be willing to accept responsibility for your actions. If you’ve hurt or upset someone, then admit it to yourself and apologise. Don’t just ignore or avoid the situation. Most people will respect you if you apologise – but you’ll lose respect if you act like nothing`s wrong.

6. Finally, always think about how your actions and words will affect other people. Is it going to make life easy or difficult for them? How would you feel if you were in their place? Then adapt and compromise so that everybody wins.

#counsel

Are you a Thinker or a Feeler?

Thinkers

1. When faced with a decision or choice, the thinker automatically focuses on facts, and applies logic to the situation.

2. He or she subconsciously notices tasks and work that needs to be done.

3.  Thinkers find it easy to provide an objective analysis of any situation. They’re guided by rational reasoning.

4.  They view conflict as a natural and normal part of relationships. It doesn’t always mean that something is wrong, or relationships are going to fall apart.

Feelers

1. When faced with a decision or choice, feelers are guided by their gut reactions, and listen to their feelings and immediate response. They’re especially concerned about hurting other people, or making life more difficult or painful for them.

2. They intuitively pick up on people’s feelings and reactions – and they notice body language and non-verbal cues.

3. In reaching decisions, they want to hear others’ opinions, and they seek a consensus, or a fair compromise.

4. They are distressed by conflict, and dislike when people argue. Their ultimate goal is peace and harmony.

How To Overcome Overthinking

Through bouts of depression and through self dissection I’ve come to realize something. 

As human beings, we have probably been living life in backward. We over analyze ourselves and the universe. Our intelligence being the curse. 

It is a curse, because we tend to let our intellect trump our instincts. We let ourselves linger on topics that we never really grasp, and cause o

urselves confusion, and to some extreme, self pity, and self-absorption. These three emotions: confusion, self-pity, self-absorption lead to fear. When we are fearful, we shut ourselves down, and refuse to live and move forward. 

However, there is a solution to overcome this problem. 

The solution is simplicity. Give intelligence boundaries. Do not let it wander. Do what instincts say to you. Your instinct (yes, that 85% of your brain you do not use), wants you to succeed. It wants to sit in the driver seat and tells your intellect to get in the backseat. It will drive you to happiness. It will do what it needs to do in order for you to survive. 

Don’t think. Just Do it. Simply, just follow your heart is what I am telling you. 

Note: I’m not telling people to throw intellect out the window, because it is what keeps us rational, but rather just set it itself, and sometimes just believe in yourself. Think of it this way. It is like what facts, evidence points you in one direction, and your instinct is telling you that the direction is wrong, and your instincts end up being right at the end of the day, and that is because you trusted your instinct and followed through. 

Every tool has limitations and purposes. Sometimes we rely too heavily on intelligence, and consequently, our intelligence over rides our basic instincts that were put in place to give us happiness and success. 

Stress Busting: Functioning Well in the Heat of the Moment

onlinecounsellingcollege:

Develop your stress busting skills by working through the following three steps:

1. Realize when you’re stressed – The first step to reducing stress is recognizing what stress feels like. How does your body feel when you’re stressed? Are your muscles or stomach tight or sore? Are your hands clenched? Is your breath shallow? Being aware of your physical response to stress will help regulate tension when it occurs.

2. Identify your stress response – Everyone reacts differently to stress. If you tend to become angry or agitated under stress, you will respond best to stress relief activities that quiet you down. If you tend to become depressed or withdrawn, you will respond best to stress relief activities that are stimulating. If you tend to freeze—speeding up in some ways while slowing down in others—you need stress relief activities that provide both comfort and stimulation.

3. Discover the stress-busting techniques that work for you – The best way to reduce stress quickly is by engaging one or more of your senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. Each person responds differently to sensory input, so you need to find things that are soothing and/or energizing to you. For example, if you’re a visual person you can relieve stress by surrounding yourself with uplifting images. If you respond more to sound, you may find a wind chime, a favorite piece of music, or the sound of a water fountain helps to quickly reduce your stress levels.

Source: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/eq5_raising_emotional_intelligence.htm

What's a good friend?

1. Shared common values

2. Equality (that is, you both put the same amount into the relationship, and both benefit equally from the friendship)

3. Sharing common interests and activities.

4. Sharing common struggles; having gone through things together

5. Trust, honesty, respect, loyalty, and dependability

6. Being committed to each other’s happiness and personal growth

7.  Respecting each other’s principles; someone who never asks you to compromise, or go against, your values

8. Someone you can laugh and have fun with

9. Someone who believes in you “no matter what”   

10.  Someone who’s a good influence on you, and inspires you to be your best.

How to Become Better at Connecting with Others

1. Treat acquaintances and strangers the way you would a friend. When you first meet someone, do what you can to develop a rapport. For example, ask yourself “How would I treat this person if I wanted us to be great friends” That way, you’re more likely to warm, friendly, respectful, generous, amusing.

2. Add something positive to their day. Try to make people feel better about themselves. For example, smile, be interested in whatever interests them, make a lot of their successes, comment positively on what they are wearing.

3. Try and find common ground. Everyone has at least few things in common (school, exams, music, films, favourite TV shows, places you’ve visited, favourite sports teams etc). And the faster you find that common ground the easier it is to relate to the person.

4. Pay attention. The best way to appear interesting is to be interested in the other person. Focus on what they’re saying, ask open questions, encourage them to “tell their story” and they and match their level of emotion. (For example, if they seem excitement then mirror that excitement.)

5. Share your interests and passions with them. It’s hard to connect with an individual who seems to have no interests – or doesn’t talk about them. If you live with passion you’ll connect with passion and the conversation is more likely to flow.

6. Tell stories. Facts and information don’t convey energy, or unleash emotions, or get conversations going. But sharing funny stories, or memorable events encourages the listener to share their story, too.

7. Be grateful. Everybody loves being appreciated. It sends the message that their actions and intentions have been noticed. It’s a harsh world out there - so decide to be the person who builds others up, so they feel good about themselves.

Communication Skills and Relationships

1. Recognise that, generally speaking, men and women have different communication styles: This is partly due to different wiring in their brains. Hence, women are wired to remember details and bring up everything when discussing an issue. However, men find this completely overwhelming and prefer to stick to the topic being discussed. They’re usually drained by moaning sessions – which other female friends will almost always enjoy.

2: Don’t bury everything – be real about your feelings: Most relationships are better if you’re honest and real. That is, you don’t become resentful if you say what’s on your mind. Also, you keep things in proportion as they’re dealt with early on. This builds a sense of trust because you feel you can be you – and not just pretend that everything’s always OK.

3. Communicate in a way that’s not accusatory or blaming: This requires

(i) Listening well to the other person (reflect back the content of what they’ve just shared, and the emotions attached to it).

(ii) Speaking in terms of facts. For example, “I feel bad when you arrange something with your friends (fact) without telling me (fact).

(iii) Remembering to include something you appreciate about your partner. As a general rule, any negative comment should be sandwiched between two positive ones.

(iv) Reframe complaints as requests. For example, you could say something like “If I pick up the cinema tickets will you sort out the meal?”

(v) Shift from attack to wonder. Rather than jumping to conclusions and attacking your partner (eg, “You always/ you never …”), say something like (“I wonder if there’s a better way to deal with this … What do you think would help?”)

4. Remember that both partners need to feel as if they’re getting what they want (at least to some degree) for the relationship to work: One well-known writer on relationships summarises the skills for this as follows:

(i) Ask for what you want. It’s a fact that most people don’t directly ask for what they want as they don’t expect to get it. But that leaves the other person assuming and guessing.

(ii) Give your partner what you want from them (model it). For example, if you want them to be interested in your day, ask about their day.

(iii) Learn to negotiate. All good relationships involve both give and take.

(iv) Learn to be flexible and adaptable – It’s not only and always about you. (But nor is it always and only about them).

When you’re in a relationship ..

You’re going to argue, you’re going to disagree with one another and there will be days where you can’t stand each other so be ready for these things because no relationship is perfect, people aren’t perfect either, they makes mistakes but when it comes to that someone special they would do whatever it takes to make things right, whatever it takes to make them happy at the end of the day. Don’t give up when you know in your heart you still love them, when you know that they are the one you see yourself with at the end of the day because too many people now a days give up way too quickly, they let go when they knew that they had a chance to save the relationship and now all they’re left with are the “Regrets” and “What if’s” of what could of happened if only they had actually “Tried ” and put in the effort to show their significant. other how much they meant to them….

Getting led on

You being attached to the person. You fall for them. They sweet talk you. They make you feel so special. Then at the end it feels as if it was all a joke. That you were just some bodies game. The feelings you thought they had for you were never real. You keeping thinkingthings over. You start to blame it on yourself, why it didnt work out. Even though they lied to you, they played you, they kept secrets from you. You didnt do anything wrong, you just fell for the wrong person.

Reasons to be Happy

1. You are unique. There’s no-one on the planet quite like you!

2. You are loved – probably much more than you realise.

3. You have the chance to give love to others.

4. You still have time to change your life.

5. You have the chance to be creative, and experiment with your gifts.

6. You can explore your interests and learn new things.

8. You have the chance to enjoy the gift of laughter.

9. You can experience and enjoy eating, sleeping, friendships, music, the beauty of nature, animals, the scent of flowers, etc.

10. Even when today has been a bad day, you get a new start tomorrow – and can turn a fresh page.

11. You can dance, sing, jog, ski, cycle, run a marathon – or participate in any sports or form of exercise that brings you pleasure.

12. You can travel, meet new people, and broaden your perspective on life.

13. You can hang out at a lake or you can walk along the beach – and enjoy skimming stones, and being a kid again.

14. You can splash in puddles in the rain, or skate on the ice, or throw snowballs at your friends.

15. You can choose to make a difference in someone else’s life, and brighten their day, and bring a smile to their face.

Tips for Studying.

This is mainly aimed at college freshmen or people who are going into college. You can apply this to high school students, so if you’re in high school try out these tips and see for yourself if they work.

I’ve noticed many people I knew from high school saying how hard college is and how they’re failing because they can’t pass their tests/quizzes. They can’t get their routine from high school out of their life.

So here are some general tips.

• Find out the best way for you to remember and learn things. Are you an auditory learner? (Auditory learners would rather listen to things being explained than read about them.) A visual learner? (Visual learners learn best by looking at graphics, watching a demonstration, or reading.) Or a kinesthetic learner? (Kinesthetic learners process information best through a “hands-on” experience.) Just one? A mixture of two, or all three? Does it depend on the subject? For a few weeks, tamper with these kinds of learning habits and see what works best for you.
• Assess how you need to remember information of the class for your test? Were you lucky enough to receive a practice test, or some form of information on what will be on the test? Maybe you’re going in blind on the test and you had to study everything you’ve learned thus far.  Write it down once or twice in compete sentences, read it over to yourself a few times, record yourself reading it and listen to it (or have someone else read it to you). Regardless of if you only need to do one or two of these, doing all three may just be the best way to remember the information you need. The more you go over your information, the better it sticks in your head.
• Assess what kind of test it will be. An essay? Short form, fill in the blank? Multiple choice? A mixture of two or all three? What do you think will be the best way to remember the information for your essay or a fill in the blank? Writing it down will probably be the best option since you will be writing things down on your quiz. The information may come naturally to you after you’ve written your notes down a few times. Multiple choice? Either memorization, or relearning/writing your information. Maybe you need to hear about that subject again, or reread that section of the book where the question will be asking. 
• Math test? I honestly believe there’s no better way to learn how to do a math equation than to learn it step by step. Some people may be able to do it another way, but learning it step by step will help you remember exactly what to do on a test when you’re often like “what the fuck is this shit?” College’s often have math labs or tutors that will help you learn your subject outside of class time. Take advantage of this. Trust me, it does help. Learn the equation and the steps you need to do to complete an equation. Write down the symbols in the equation, and assess what you are looking for in word equations. Word equations “hide” symbols by using objects or people as their symbols. Learning everything step by step will enable you to find the symbols easily, and you’ll be looking at your test less and less like “i don’t fucking know this shit.”
• Realize each instructor is different. Essay’s and projects are not the same anymore. Each teacher wants specific writing styles, arguments, theses, etc.  Do not treat your English essay the same way you would treat your history essay. Some may expect a mixture of critical thinking and ethos, others may want a straight to the point answer in your thesis. There is no strict “lay out” that is used for all your classes assignments now. Pay attention to the work you receive back, pay attention to your instructors critics. They’re not doing it just to be a dick (ok some do, but not the point right now), they’re doing it because they have certain expectations that need to be met. Learn those expectations.
• Your instructor probably doesn’t care that they’re not your “only class.” If you even so much as utter the phrase “this isn’t my only class I have other work too” you are an idiot. This is college, you picked your classes. Deal with it. That is why you must learn to:
• Manage your time. If you’ve moved out for university and live in an apartment, yes it may be tough. You have to keep it clean, pay bills, etc. But that is the price for growing up. MANAGE YOUR TIME. The more time you give to studying (as much as possible in most situations as mentioned above) the better change you will have at understanding the concepts you need to learn. Time is a HUGE factor in studying. If you have time for tumblr, you have time to study. If you have time to go out with friends, you have time for studying. Plan a schedule if you have to. If you can’t make time to study, you probably won’t pass any classes. They say for every hour you’re in class, you need to study two more hours to keep the concepts in your head. (I personally don’t believe that, but some people need more studying than others.) My best advice to you is plan a schedule and STICK TO IT. Plan a master schedule. There are apps:
• Android: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.intersog.android.schedule&hl=en
• Iphone: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/schedule-planner/id437461477?mt=8
• Or you can use excel to create your own schedule.

That’s all I have so far. I may reblog and add more.

How to Improve your Confidence

1. Be willing to fail more often - as that means you’re taking on more challenges, and being prepared to try, learn and grow.

2. Keep track of improvements, positive changes, successes, growth and accomplishments.

3. Don’t compare yourself to other people. The only person you’re competing against is yourself. Also, we have an unhelpful tendency to compare our struggles with other peoples’ successes and high points.

4. Work on your posture and your fitness levels as they affect our appearance, and how we feel about ourselves.

5. Don’t just hang out with people you are comfortable with. Also, gravitate towards those who are new or different.

6. We’re influenced by those that we spend time with. So, make friends with people who seem warm and confident.

7. Be a true friend to yourself – and shut off the commentary that is negative, attacking and lacking in compassion.

8. Commit to practicing these different skills – as they’ll take root in time, and change the way you act and feel.   

How to Overcome your Fear of Social Situations

1. Force yourself to go out at least once or twice a week. To help you cope with your anxiety, ask a friend to do something with you, or go to an event where you know a few people. The idea is to gradually stretch yourself so that, eventually, you’ll be able to go to new things, and not feel terrified of meeting people you’ve never met before.

2. Pay attention to your appearance. When we feel good (or at least comfortable) with the way we look, we feel less anxious and more confident.

3. Find out what other people are talking about (such as baseball, hockey, popular films and TV shows) and read up on them. For example, you could google for the latest scores, headlines news and gossip on the stars.

 4. When you are at social events watch to see how other people behave. You can learn a lot from closely observing, listening to, and then copying others.

5. Think about working with a counselor to address the underlying fears that are behind your social anxiety.

Seeing Your Ex With Someone Else

It’s a weird feeling isn’t it? like even when you’ve moved on and when you’ve found someone new. Even when you and that person left each other on bad terms. It’s weird. You’re not jealous, or envious. You’re just like, remembering everything that happened between you and that person. It’s not a sad feeling. It’s just weird. Like, you wonder if they treat their new boyfriend or girlfriend the same way they treated you. 

How to Deal with being Dropped by a Friend

1. Accept, and express, the painful feelings you have. You’ve lost a part of you – and that can’t be ignored.

2. Be open to considering the painful fact that you may have played a part in them walking away. Is there something you can learn, so it’s different next time round?

3. After steps one and two, decide to move on. Don’t keep agonising over what has gone wrong.

4. Crush your harsh inner critic – don’t put yourself down. You have good points and strength, so think about them.

5. Throw yourself into your hobbies, other friendships, or work. Look for happiness and meaning in those areas, instead.

6. Don’t waste your time thinking of how to wreck their life, or make your old friend jealous, or of ways to get revenge.

7. If you see them, be polite – but keep the conversation short. You’ve other things to do – and they’re no longer in your life.     

8. See it as a new beginning, and opportunity, to move on with your life and find a new (and better?) friend.