the person who loves you now once loved someone else, and you have to be okay with that

he person who loves you now, at this very moment in time, at this particular juncture in space, once loved someone else before you, and you have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with all the previous mouths they’ve kissed or put their tongues into, all the names they’ve pronounced dozens of times until they got them just right. You have to be okay with those things, and with the beds they’ve slept in that were not their own, with the hands they held and the bodies they explored, even the awkward first dates they went on filled with so much tension it couldn’t have been sliced even with a butcher knife.

Because the thing is, the person who loves you now was a different person entirely before they were with you. Every passageway hidden inside their body was lit differently; every corridor inside their brain was traveled by new thoughts. Their synapses were firing with another kind of love, a love unique to this person and their significant other. If all the different kinds of love in the world were bottled up in tiny vials like perfume or shots of alcohol, there would be millions. Billions, even. Trillions. Because what’s love for one person, is something else entirely to another. So the person who loves you now- they once held a bottle of another color, size, shape, you name it, in their hands, right over their heart.

But that doesn’t mean that you have to try to find this vial, wherever it’s residing currently, and smash it open till all the love pours out in a thick stream, just so you can fill yours with the same kind of love. It doesn’t mean that. In fact, it’s better if you don’t, because what the person who loves you now had with their previous lover can never be replicated. It would be wrong to steal a feeling like that and try to make it your own.

The body is basically a mosaic. Every inch of it- veins, lungs, liver, fingernails- is filled with different memories and experiences. It’s a collage of so many things. If you aren’t okay with the person who loves you now, loving someone else before you, then essentially you’re not okay with all the shards nestled beneath their skin that are made up of this previous lover. Essentially, you’re not okay with some of their pieces, and without those pieces, they wouldn’t be whole. You can’t be with a broken shell of a person, or a half skeleton, or a mosaic missing its most basic parts.

You have to learn to say yes to the entire person, not just the parts of them you wish were yours. The person you love now isn’t a computer chip whose electrical wiring and circuits can be deleted or removed at will. So treat them like every single shard and scar and word is necessary, because, well, it is.

And it can be so hard to lie awake at night while your partner is asleep, tracing the curves of their back and counting the names of their exes instead of sheep. If you’re looking for a cure for insomnia, that’s certainly not going to help. It’s difficult, yes, as difficult as crawling through a hurricane or pulling yourself from the wreckage of a splintered ship lost in the middle of the water, but you have to stop thinking about everyone who loved the person who now loves you, and who they loved before you. The past can’t be changed, only less thought of.

Besides, think of it this way- who you go home to at night, who you wake up to in the morning, who you hold like a tidal wave, who you’d rather lie next to than get up- they’re made up of everyone before them. They’re made up of all this previous love, all these different kinds of love, a multitude of different loves and first and last dates, a plethora of hugs and stargazings and the first time they were ever told or said “I love you.” With all that love buried deep within the basement of their heart, they’ve been taught how to be prepared for you. All their previous lovers were just preparing them for loving you. They’ve been taught so well, by some of the best teachers. It’s okay to be the recipient of someone else’s lesson. Remember that.

The person who loves you now, right now- who even as you read this might be touching your neck in that way they do, or smiling at you from across the room, or wishing they could bed you right then and there- they loved someone else before you. And you have to be okay with that, you do.

Because the fact that they love you now, despite loving someone else beforehand, means that you’re pretty damn special.

Ten Life Lessons from How I Met Your Mother

http://movies.allwomenstalk.com/life-lessons-from-how-i-met-your-mother

1. IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE

#1 of all the life lessons that anyone can take away from How I Met Your Mother is if it's meant to be, it will be. Throughout the show, Ted is constantly searching for the love of his life so he can get married. As it turns out, after eight seasons, Ted still isn't even close to being married. Thus we learn the age old lesson of it's it meant to be, it will be. You shouldn't go looking for love, love is supposed to find you.

2. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS HARDLY EVER WORK

Please note that this life lesson is titled Long Distance Relationships HARDLY Ever Work because sometimes they do. However, my personal experience and HIMYM both prove that it is very rare that they work out especially if over a long period of time. In the first season, Ted is dating Victoria who gets offered a fellowship at a culinary institute in Germany. At the airport, Ted and Victoria decide to give long distance a try, both saying that it will work. However, Future Ted tells his kids that it didn't, and that long-distance relationships hardly ever work. In the next episode we learn that Ted hates having to be on the phone all the time and is running out of things to talk about with Victoria. The next life lesson will let you know how the long distance relationship ended.

3. NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS AFTER 2 A.M

This is definitely one of my favorite life lessons that I've learned from HIMYM because I've found it to be so true in my life. In the first season, Ted is in a long distance relationship with Victoria which he feels is starting to fall apart. Meanwhile, Robin finally realizes her feelings for Ted and invites him over after 2 a.m. to "make juice". Trying to decide what to do, Ted remembers a saying his mother used to have: "Nothing good happens after 2 a.m." Believing that Victoria was going to be breaking up with him anyway, Ted goes over to Robin's apartment. When Ted arrives at Robin's apartment, he lies about breaking up with Victoria and they begin kissing. However, when Ted excuses himself to go to the bathroom to secretly call Victoria, he realizes he has Robin's phone and Robin has answered his phone when Victoria calls. Furious that Ted lied to her about them having broken up, Robin gives him his phone telling him to call Victoria back. Future Ted reminds his kids that nothing good happens after 2 a.m. and inevitably loses both Robin and Victoria in one night.

4. THINGS YOU MAY NOT HAVE LIKED BEFORE MAY NOT BE THAT BAD LATER ON

In season one, Ted finds an old shirt he owned for six years but had never previously liked and realizes he now likes it. He later discovers that he likes Bourbon, which he thought he hated. Realizing that his tastes have changed, he decides to reconsider girls he has previously dated but did not seem right at the time. This is definitely a life lesson everyone can relate to. I used to hate eating mushrooms and now I love them! Also, people I used to know from high school and had no interest in being friends with back then, I now talk to on a regular basis.

5. THE FRONT PORCH TEST

In the fourth season, Lily confesses that she has been breaking Ted up with girls who she didn't see passing the "Front Porch Test." The Front Porch Test is Lily's indication of how happy they would all be together once they were old, thus showing if someone's love interest was right for them or not. The life lesson that is learned from this is that the most important people in your life you can imagine sitting happily on a front porch with when you're old and gray. If can also be applied to help you make everyday decisions. Before making a big decision in your life, imagine that you are 80-years-old and sitting on your porch being nostalgic about your life that has gone by. Would you be happy if you chose to be an accountant? Or would you be happier knowing you pursued your writing career?

6. CLUBS ARE TERRIBLE

First off, this is definitely a life lesson for the older young adult crowd. When I was younger, I used to love going to clubs! Now, I'm 23 and I hate them. I would be so much happier hanging out at a bar or lounge then a club. In the first season, Robin has been invited to come to a new dance club called "Okay" to which Ted and Barney agree to come along. I think this is the only TV show episode that has ever shown the truth about clubs and why they are terrible. Ted tries to talk to a girl but can't understand her because of the incredibly loud music, it takes Ted an hour to get a beer at the bar, and Robin ends up not being able to get back into the club because the bouncers at the front of the door switched. In my experience, ALL of these things have happened to me every time I've gone to a New York City club. Save yourself the time and money by heeding this important life lesson.

7. BRUNCH IS FOR COUPLES AND FAMILIES, BUT NOT ALONE

Brunch is a meal time that is talked about a lot on HIMYM as being a favorite. I learned that almost everyone loves brunch, but not everyone can go to brunch. In season two, Marshall is having a hard time coping with being single. He is shown trying to attend brunch alone to which the hostess looks at him funny and Marshall runs out saying "I knew I shouldn't have come!" He starts hanging out with his friend Brad in order to do things that Marshall used to be able to do in a couple. Brad says, "Why can't two Bros go out and rock brunch, Sunday morning style?" Slowly Marshall starts realizing that Brad and him seem like a couple instead of friends with all of their activities. Thus proving brunch is really only for couples... and families, but not alone!

8. ALWAYS CONSIDER THE CRAZY/HOT SCALE

The Hot/Crazy Scale is a graph created by Barney that is used to display someone's hot-to-crazy ratio. Barney explains that a person is allowed to be crazy, as long as they are equally hot. Ideally, you want your date to be above the diagonal line, indicating that they are hotter than they are crazy. Everyone is a little crazy in some way, that's what keeps relationships interesting. But the crazier someone is, the hotter they need to be to get away with it and still be date-able.

9. BODY LANGUAGE WILL TELL ABOUT A PERSON’S AVAILABILITY

In season two, Barney's brother James comes to visit and tells the gang that they are young people living in New York and that they should go out and have fun even though they are all in relationships besides Barney. Once they are all out, the couples realize James is acting strange. He was described as being like Barney only gay, but he is turning down a lot of guys, complaining about his feet hurting him, and generally acting like the couples are who are all sitting down together instead of socializing. When they see James text messaging someone, they realize he is in a relationship. This actually happened to me when I was at a bar in college. I was texting my then boyfriends and sitting down at a booth rather then up and socializing. A guy came over to talk to one of my other friends, and said that I must have a boyfriend because I'm sitting down texting on my phone rather then up at the bar socializing. Using this life lesson you will always be able to pick out
the couples from the single people.

10. THERE IS ALWAYS A CLEAR WINNER AND A CLEAR LOSER

In season three, Robin announces that her former boyfriend Simon plans to meet up with her later on at the bar. The group agrees that every time old friends come together, after not seeing each other for years, there is a clear winner and a clear loser. In other words, someone has done well in real life and someone hasn’t. They begin to tally the points for Robin and Simon's reunion. Robin receives two from Barney for her breasts, one from Ted for Simon still living with his mother, one from Lily because Simon never became a rock star, and a final one from Marshall because Simon now works at a water park that doesn't even have a wave pool. Simon walks in and it is immediately clear that Robin should be the winner: he is balding, overweight, and wearing out of style clothes. I've felt that I've been on both ends of this spectrum. I've been both the clear winner or the clear loser in reunions at least in my mind. It really comes down to how happy you are with your life. If you're happy then you will always feel like a winner.

We Expect the Love We Think We Deserve

it means that some people think they are that worthless that they will settle for abusive love. they attract the people that treat them how they think they deserve to be treated. others may have their sense of self-worth so won’t settle for anything below what they deserve. how you view yourself is how you’re going to be treated is what it’s saying. so, if you think you deserve more for yourself, that’s what you’re going to get, but if you don’t think you’re a good person, you will settle for much less than you really do deserve. don’t depreciate yourself, because one day you’re going to find someone who will give you everything you deserve and more.

How To Get Closure

How To Get Closure

We all hear that you need to get closure on a relationship before you can truly move on – but how do we go about getting it? There is no magic formula for closure. It’s basically anything you need to have happen in order to feel like the relationship is really over. Without closure the relationship essentially still feels like an open case of unresolved feelings and issues and we need to find a way to shut the book to move on. Here’s some ways to help get closure:

·        Wait. It’s unlikely that you’ll break up Monday, get closure Tuesday and be over it on Wednesday. Closure really comes after a certain amount of time has passed and you are able to gain some perspective on the relationship that you weren’t able to when you were in it or freshly broken up. You might see your ex in a different light, or realize something about yourself that you didn’t know. So be patient and don’t expect it to happen overnight. Breakups take time to heal, above anything.

·        Vent. Find some good friends to give you a shoulder to cry on and let it all out. Or write it in your journal. Either way, start talking to get out whatever feelings you have bottled up. You won’t be able to release your ex from your life if your feelings are still inside of you. As you vent, you might work through the relationship enough to be able to move on, or you might come to some realizations that you’re better off without them.

·        Talk. After letting some time and space pass after your breakup, it might be a good idea to sit down and talk with your ex. If you can’t do this peacefully then you might want to skip this step, but if possible, find a time to talk alone. You can both get out all of the things that you’ve been thinking and this is your chance to get a final word in about something. Don’t do it with the intention of changing their mind or getting them to suddenly see things your way, because that may not happen and you won’t feel the satisfaction you’re looking for. Instead, do it with the intention of getting out any last things you want to say to them. You’re not re-opening old arguments, but rather you’re making closing statements. After talking it’s likely that you’ll feel much better for getting out all of the things you weren’t able to say before.

·        Whatever it takes. Only you truly know your relationship and yourself and what it will take to get over the relationship. If there’s something that you feel you need to do, then go and do it. Maybe you need to do something creative, or maybe you need to take a road trip to create some space and clear your head. Whatever it is, if you have a desire to pursue something positive instead of sitting around and wallowing, then get out and do it. Doing something positive and healthy to release emotions will help you move on quicker and will propel you into the next phase of your life. Plus you’ll feel like you’re being proactive instead of just sitting around and waiting to feel better.

Ten Things To Do When You Feel Like Crap:

1. Have a really hot, long shower. Cry if you need to. Sit on the ground. Feel sorry for yourself. Let the steam soak into your skin. Let the hot water wash your face clean. But the moment you turn off that water, you are done feeling sorry for yourself. Make a decision to move on from that sadness.

2. Clean. I know, cleaning is boring and annoying - but how about that feeling you get when you are finished? The smell of the vacuum. That feeling of accomplishment? Who knows, you might even find money along the way. Totally worth it. It’s like starting with a clean slate.

3. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to for a while. If your first choice doesn’t pick up, choose someone else. Ask them all about how their lives are going and tell them about yours. Not only will it take your mind off whatever crappy thing you have been plagued by, but you will laugh with them! Laughing triggers endorphins and endorphins make you happy!

4. Go for a run or a walk. This get’s your endorphins and dopamine going crazy. You will get more energy and more happiness just because the chemicals in your body are running around!

5. Stop and take it all in. Walking in the night? Stop and look at the stars. Breathe in the cold air. Feel alive. 

6. Stop whining. Ever heard the saying “love life and life will love you back”? Or, the idea of the power of attraction? It’s true! If you sit around saying “why me, waaaaa waaaa” then bad things will happen to you. You’re already defeated. If you start saying, “I will be happy, I will accomplish my ambitions, I will find love, I do look amazing, I am a great friend” etc., then not only will you start to believe them but you will be amazed at what amazing things start to happen.

7. Drink tea. This always works. Not a tea fan? Try hot water with a slice of lemon and some agave syrup. 

8. Make a conscious decision to stop holding certain grudges. We all have people we have held grudges on in the past. Let them go. If you feel like you owe this person an apology, don’t be too proud. Send them a sincere facebook apology. Sincerity is in the intent, so even if it’s a 2 sentence apology - as long as you mean it it’s worth it. 

9. Cook some really nice, warm food. Stimulate your taste buds with anything as simple as two minute noodles or as lavish as a three course garlic bread, pasta bake, chocolate mousse triple combo. 

10. Write down a list of goals to achieve for the week. As simple as “buy insect repellent” or as large as “jog for 25 minutes non stop” and tick them off when they’re done. You will feel very accomplished and that alone will help pep up your mood!

Can’t believe this post is still circulating at such speed.

How To Maintain A Friendship Through Change

How To Maintain A Friendship Through Change

We’ve all been there, where we drift away from a close friend when one of us goes through a change in life. It might be a move to a new city, changing jobs or schools, or any other major life change that can push us apart. It’s natural for friendships to ebb and flow based on life changes, but if you have a friendship that’s particularly important and you want to maintain, here are some ways to keep close during a change:

·        Stay in touch. Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. There are so many ways to stay in touch, from the phone to instant messaging to texting. Pick whatever mediums work best for you and your friend and make a real effort to keep in touch. Staying in communication is the best way to maintain your friendships.

·        Have reasonable expectations. While you’re trying to stay in touch and communicate, make sure you are realistic in what you expect of each other. Don’t vow to talk every day and visit every weekend – it will be too difficult to keep up as you each try to build new lives without each other. If your expectations are too high you’ll only get disappointed when you can’t keep them up.

·        Set a regular date. Even as you are both focusing on moving on and adjusting to the change, you can set a regular time and place to hang out, have a Skype date, or visit each other. Maybe you have brunch every Sunday, or Skype every Tuesday while you watch your favorite show together. Whatever it is, keeping a regular date will make sure that you stay a part of each others lives, even if you don’t see each other outside of that time.

·        Cut each other some slack. If your friend doesn’t email you back right away or doesn’t respond to your texts for a few days, cut them some slack. You’re both bound to get busy with your own lives and it’s not realistic to expect to be each other’s top priorities all of the time. Know that you love each other and that you’ll talk again soon.

·        Focus on other things in your life. Make sure you each still have lots of your own things going on so you’re not sitting around dwelling on the fact that you aren’t living in the same city anymore, or seeing each other all the time. Keep busy with other stuff and you’ll have more to talk about when you do see each other.

·        Don’t force it. Keep in mind that friendships come and go in life and sometimes you might be close for a while, drift apart, and perhaps even become close again. That’s the natural rhythm of friendships and life. Do your best to stay in touch but don’t force it if one of you is moving on. Just wish them the best and be open to the possibility of being close again one day.

Reasons To Be Happy:

Reasons To Be Happy:

1. Dead trees still stand and so can you.
2. You have five fingers on each hand. One day those fingers will travel from your lap to someone else’s and that person will know all the bad stuff and still want to kiss you. 
3. Seasons are guaranteed when nothing else seems to be.

Bonding With Your Friends

Bonding With Your Friends

There’s tons of advice out there on great ways to keep our romantic relationships fresh or new ways to please our partners, but we hear very little about ways to nurture our friendships. It’s important not to let our friendships get stagnant and complacent or we can start to take them for granted. Here are some great ways to shake things up with your friends and get some summer great bonding time in:

·        Camping. This is an awesome way to spend time with your friends. It involves planning the trip, preparing, driving out to the campsite together, setting up the tent, and so many other bonding activities all rolled into one. Camping is an experience that is fun and relaxing but has elements of work and a sense of accomplishment built in too. You’ll have a great time with your friends and make so many new memories together. It’s great to get away from your usual surroundings and enjoy the natural scenery together without the distractions of your daily lives.

·        Physical challenge. Whether it’s training for a race together, doing a hike, a triathlon or anything physical, it’s bound to be a great bonding experience. Working towards something physical is a great way to help motivate each other and feel a great sense of achievement when you complete it. Rewarding yourselves afterwards is also part of the fun.

·        Road trip. It doesn’t even matter where you go, just pile into a car and hit the road. Getting out on the open road makes way for great conversation, singing in the car and trying to navigate where you’re going. You’ll see new places, and getting out of town and away from distractions is a great way to get closer with your friends.

·        Technology free beach day. Going to the beach is fun, but sometimes everyone ends up texting and facebooking photos the whole time instead of talking. Declare your next day at the beach to be technology free. Instead, spend your time lying in the sun and talking, working on a crossword puzzle together or playing a game together. You’ll be amazed at how much more you talk and learn about each other when you aren’t staring at your phone the whole time.

·        Volunteer. Pick a cause that you all believe in and go and volunteer for an afternoon. Maybe it’s at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, kids camp, or SPCA. Whatever it is, you’ll feel great about helping others and it gives you some variety from just sitting around or hanging out at the mall. You might like it so much that you and your friends will make it a regular occurrence.

Adventure Dates

Adventure Dates

Summer is the perfect time to ditch dinner and a movie and do something wild and crazy on a date. The weather is hot and there’s a feeling of spontaneity that comes with summer, so take advantage and try one, or all, of these adventurous date ideas:

·        Hiking.  Strap on a pack and set out on a hike. Choose a trail that’s appropriate for your level of expertise and take your partner out for a day of fun. Hiking is a fun way to do something adventurous and gives us a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that feels great when we reach the top. There can also be a playful, competitive spirit at play as you hike, which can make the date even more fun.

·        White water rafting. Find a guide, or a group to go with, and take your partner out to ride the rapids. The freezing cold, rushing water will keep your heart and adrenaline pumping, and will give you a fun, physical challenge as well.

·        Bungee jumping. This isn’t for the faint of heart, but if you’re looking for something truly adventurous, then this is the date for you. You will bond with your partner over the fear and thrill of doing something so crazy together.

·        Zip lining. Flying through the air on a zip line will give you and your date an experience that you’ll never forget. The freedom of feeling weightless will give you a great rush, and conquering your fears together will bring you even closer together.

·        Sky diving. This is the ultimate in adventure dates. You’ll have an experience that neither of you will ever forget, and it will give you something to talk about long after it’s over. Plus you need to attend training courses together before you do it, and the act of working towards something together will be fun and rewarding.

·        Babysitting. In all seriousness, this can be a major adventure, especially if you’re not used to hanging out with kids. Offer to babysit a relative’s kids for an afternoon and hang on for a wild ride. Kids are totally unpredictable and all over the map, so get ready for a day of fun, frustration, exhaustion and mayhem. You’ll both be beat afterwards and will be happy to give the kids back to the parents and spend some down time together.

you don't owe anyone a fucking explanation.

you are allowed to terminate toxic relationships

you are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you

you are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving

you don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself

Sex

When sex becomes a production or performance that is when it loses its value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partners’ body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goose bumps, and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other.

Types of Love

Types Of Love

Love, while wonderful, isn’t black and white, and it sure isn’t simple. There are lots of different types of love and we experience different types with the various people in our lives. Here are the types of love:

·        Romantic Love. This is often what people think of when they first think about love. Romantic love occurs between two people who are in a relationship and care deeply for each other. They are attracted to each other as friends, as well as physically and emotionally. Romantic love is the love we feel for our partners, and is often accompanied by things like butterflies in our stomach or thinking about them all the time.

·        Companionate Love. This is the kind of love we feel for our friends and we can also feel it with our partners as they grow into being our best friends. Companionate love is emotional and spiritual but lacks the physical aspect that romantic love has. With companionate love we care deeply about someone, love the way they contribute to our lives and want to see them happy. We are comfortable with them and have a routine of being together that bring happiness and comfort to both parties.

·        Unconditional Love. This is the type of love that we feel with our families, or in some cases, with very good friends. Unconditional love means that we will never stop loving someone, even if they hurt or disappoint us. When we love someone unconditionally there is no worry breaking up because the love is forever.

·        Physical Love. This is also known as lust, and describes the chemical/physical attraction that we can feel towards someone. Physical love may can be felt on it’s own or it may be combined with other types, such as romantic love. Physical love is an attraction to a person’s physical appearance, although a person’s personality can also play a role in our attraction to them as well. Physical love can often develop into more when we get to know the person better, which is often the case with new couples.

·        Toxic Love. Toxic love happens when we love someone who isn’t good for us. For example, if you are in a relationship with someone who is abusive or dangerous to you in some way, you may very well know that the relationship isn’t healthy but you love them regardless. It’s characterized by the feeling of an invisible force that draws you into the relationship even if it’s not good for you. Toxic love is often characterized by a feeling of desperation and a sense of urgency to be together, but not in the stable and healthy way that other types of love are. The reasons for being in a relationship that involves toxic love often have more to do with the individuals self esteem than the other person in the relationship.

·        Unrequited love. Unrequited love is the experience of loving someone who either doesn’t love you back, or doesn’t know how you feel. Unrequited love can be painful and you may feel “lovesick” for the other person. You may yearn for them and the longing can be difficult to endure. You may have to see them with another partner, which can make you feel particularly pained. Unrequited love can be changed if you eventually end up together, but it can also last for years if you continue to harbor feelings for someone without it ever materializing into a relationship.

What NOT To Say To A Friend In Crisis

What NOT To Say To A Friend In Crisis

It’s great to support a friend through a hard time. Being there for them, and helping them talk through it is a wonderful way to help them heal. But there are certain things that you should avoid saying if you want to keep from doing more harm than good:

·        “It could be a lot worse”. Of course any situation could always be a lot worse, but no one wants to hear this. Don’t downplay what they are going through by telling them that other people have it harder or that their situation isn’t all that bad. When you are upset about something it feels rotten, so just let them wallow and have their moment.

·        “There are plenty of other fish in the sea”. No one wants to hear this cliché after a breakup. Of course there are other people out there, but at the time they aren’t interested in thinking about it. Dating other people and the idea of getting back out there seems overwhelming, and it’s the last thing on their mind. They are also grieving the loss of their relationship, so give them time to do that before you start suggesting that they date other people.

·        “I know exactly how you feel”. Unless you’ve been through an identical situation, you don’t know how they feel, so don’t tell them that you do. If you can’t relate to what they’re going through just say something like, “I can only imagine how upset you must be”. Or, “I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better”. Don’t pretend that you have all the answers if you don’t.

·        “That reminds me of this thing that happened to me…”. This is not about you, so stop yourself before you launch into stories about yourself and your own experiences. Don’t turn the situation into a chance to talk about yourself. Instead, try listening to their feelings rather than doing so much talking.

·        “Hang in there”. You mean well when you say this but it’s annoying to hear when you’re going though a hard time. It sounds like you’re just trying to placate them and it doesn’t really mean anything, because they have no choice but to hang in there. Try saying something less patronizing and less generic, like, “I know you’ll get through this, and I’ll be there to help you however I can”.

·        “That happened to a friend of mine and she died/ended up alone forever/had a traumatic experience”. If something bad happens to someone, resist the urge to tell them horror stories about similar things happening to other people. If someone is sick, don’t tell them how your neighbor was hospitalized for months with the same thing only to die a slow and painful death. People feel the need to share gory details with people who are going through a hard time, and it’s unnecessary and only makes the other person feel worse. Try to be uplifting instead.

25 Napping Facts Every College Student Should Know

1. It makes you smarter
   According to Dr. Matthew Walker of the University of California, napping for as little as one hour resets your short-term memory and helps you learn facts more easily after you wake up.
2. Abandon all-nighters
   Foregoing sleep by cramming all night reduces your ability to retain information by up to 40%. If you can, mix in a nap somewhere to refresh your hippocampus.
3. It doesn’t mean what you think
   If you know you have to pull an all-nighter, try a “prophylactic nap." It’s a short nap in advance of expected sleep deprivation that will help you stay alert for up to 10 hours afterwards.
4. You can’t avoid that down period after lunch by not eating
   Human bodies naturally go through two phases of deep tiredness, one between 2-4 a.m. and between 1-3 p.m. Skipping lunch won’t help this period of diminished alertness and coordination.
5. Pick the right time
   After lunch in the early afternoon your body naturally gets tired. This is the best time to take a brief nap, as it’s early enough to not mess with your nighttime sleep.
6. Hour naps are great
   A 60-minute nap improves alertness for 10 hours, although with naps over 45 minutes you risk what’s known as “sleep inertia," that groggy feeling that may last for half an hour or more.
7. But short naps are best
   For healthy young adults, naps as short as 20, 10, or even 2 minutes can be all you need to get the mental benefits of sleep, without risking grogginess.
8. Drink coffee first
   The way this works is you drink a cup of coffee right before taking your 20-minute or half-hour nap, which is precisely how long caffeine takes to kick in. That way when you wake up, you’re not only refreshed, but ready to go.
9. The NASA nap
   A little group called NASA discovered that just a 26-minute nap increases performance by 34% and alertness by 54%. Pilots take advantage of NASA naps while planes are on autopilot.
10. Can’t sleep? Don’t stress
    Even if you can’t fall asleep for a nap, just laying down and resting has benefits. Studies have found resting results in lowered blood pressure, which even some college kids have to worry about if they are genetically predisposed to high blood pressure.
11. Napping may save your life
    A multi-year Greek study found napping at least three times per week for at least 30 minutes resulted in a 37% lower death rate due to heart problems.
12. More nap benefits for the brain
    Not only will napping improve your alertness, it will also help your decision-making, creativity, and sensory perception.
13. But wait, there’s more
    Studies have found napping raises your stamina 11%, increases ability to stay asleep all night by 12%, and lowers the time required to fall asleep by 14%.
14. The ultimate nap
    According to Dr. Sara Mednick, the best nap occurs when REM sleep is in proportion to slow-wave sleep. Use her patented Take A Nap Nap Wheel to calculate what time of day you can nap to the max.
15. Fight the Freshman 15
    Research shows that women who sleep five hours at night are 32% more likely to experience major weight gain than those sleeping seven hours. A two-hour nap isn’t feasible for many, but napping is a good way to make up for at least some lost night sleep.
16. If it was good enough for them…Presidents JFK and Bill Clinton used to nap every day to help ease the heavy burden of ruling the free world. Of course, they also had other relaxation methods, but we won’t get into those.
17. Do like the Romans doIn ancient Rome, everyone, including children, retreated for a 2 or 3-hour nap after lunch. No doubt this is the reason the Roman empire lasted over 1,000 years
18. Don’t wait too longThe latest you want to wake up from a nap is five hours before bedtime, otherwise you risk not being able to fall asleep at night.
19. Sugar is not a good substitute for a napWhen we are tired, we instinctively reach for foods with a high glycemic index, but after the initial energy wears off, we’re left more tired than we were before.
20. It’s a good way to catch upIf it takes you less than five minutes to fall asleep at night, you are sleep deprived. If you never can seem to get to bed earlier at night, a mid-day nap is a great way to catch up on sleep.
21. Underclassmen need more sleepFreshmen and sophomores who are still in your teens: you need up to 10 hours of sleep to feel rested. So odds are, you are sleep-deprived.
22. You’ll have to leave the party soonerAfter one school-week of not getting enough sleep, three alcoholic drinks will affect you the same way six would when you are fully rested.
23. Don’t drive drowsyDon’t be afraid to take advantage of an “emergency nap" on the side of the road in your car. Every year, as many as 100,000 traffic fatalities are caused by sleepy people behind the wheel.
24. The Einstein MethodIf you are concerned about sleeping too long, do what Albert Einstein regularly did: hold a pencil while you’re drifting off, so when you fall asleep, the pencil dropping will wake you up. (We do not guarantee you will wake up with a 180 IQ.)
25. Missing sleep is worse at your ageFor people ages 18 to 24, sleep deprivation impairs performance more significantly than in other age brackets.