Autophobia, Social Anxiety, Social Isolation and Schizoid Personality Disorder

1. Autophobia is the dread of being alone, or isolated from others. It often surfaces when a person feels they are being ignored, or are unloved. It is sometimes associated with self-hatred. It can also be tied into a terror of being alone in a scary situation (such as being alone at home with intruders.)

2. Social anxiety is intense discomfort related to being around other people, and fearing negative judgement or evaluation. It is characterized by an intense fear of social embarrassment, negative criticism, shame, humiliation or being rejected. These lead to feelings of insecurity, and the powerful belief that the individual is basically inadequate.

3. Social isolation is an almost complete absence of contact with other human beings. Sometimes it’s imposed – although it may be chosen – and the impact on the person is usually negative. It can lead to feelings of loneliness, fear of being with others, or low self esteem. Over time, it can produce severe psychological damage.  

4. Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder that must be diagnosed by a medical doctor or psychiatrist. It is characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, detachment, a lack of concern for the emotional needs of others and apathy. Many people with this diagnosis simultaneously demonstrate a rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world.

The Nine Types of Intelligenc

1. Naturalist Intelligence (“Nature Smart”)

Designates the human ability to discriminate among living things (plants, animals) as well as sensitivity to other features of the natural world (clouds, rock configurations).  This ability was clearly of value in our evolutionary past as hunters, gatherers, and farmers; it continues to be central in such roles as botanist or chef.  It is also speculated that much of our consumer society exploits the naturalist intelligences, which can be mobilized in the discrimination among cars, sneakers, kinds of makeup, and the like.

2. Musical Intelligence (“Musical Smart”)

Musical intelligence is the capacity to discern pitch, rhythm, timbre, and tone.  This intelligence enables us to recognize, create, reproduce, and reflect on music, as demonstrated by composers, conductors, musicians, vocalist, and sensitive listeners. Interestingly, there is often an affective connection between music and the emotions; and mathematical and musical intelligences may share common thinking processes.  Young adults with this kind of intelligence are usually singing or drumming to themselves.  They are usually quite aware of sounds others may miss.

3. Logical-Mathematical Intelligence (Number/Reasoning Smart)

Logical-mathematical intelligence is the ability to calculate, quantify, consider propositions and hypotheses, and carry out complete mathematical operations.  It enables us to perceive relationships and connections and to use abstract, symbolic thought; sequential reasoning skills; and inductive and deductive thinking patterns.  Logical intelligence is usually well developed in mathematicians, scientists, and detectives.  Young adults with lots of logical intelligence are interested in patterns, categories, and relationships.  They are drawn to arithmetic problems, strategy games and experiments.

4.Existential Intelligence

Sensitivity and capacity to tackle deep questions about human existence, such as the meaning of life, why do we die, and how did we get here.

5. Interpersonal Intelligence (People Smart”)

Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand and interact effectively with others.  It involves effective verbal and nonverbal communication, the ability to note distinctions among others, sensitivity to the moods and temperaments of others, and the ability to entertain multiple perspectives.  Teachers, social workers, actors, and politicians all exhibit interpersonal intelligence.  Young adults with this kind of intelligence are leaders among their peers, are good at communicating, and seem to understand others’ feelings and motives.

6. Bodily-Kinesthetic Intelligence (“Body Smart”)

Bodily kinesthetic intelligence is the capacity to manipulate objects and use a variety of physical skills.  This intelligence also involves a sense of timing and the perfection of skills through mind–body union.  Athletes, dancers, surgeons, and craftspeople exhibit well-developed bodily kinesthetic intelligence.

7. Linguistic Intelligence (Word Smart)

Linguistic intelligence is the ability to think in words and to use language to express and appreciate complex meanings.  Linguistic intelligence allows us to understand the order and meaning of words and to apply meta-linguistic skills to reflect on our use of language. Linguistic intelligence is the most widely shared human competence and is evident in poets, novelists, journalists, and effective public speakers.  Young adults with this kind of intelligence enjoy writing, reading, telling stories or doing crossword puzzles.

8. Intra-personal Intelligence (Self Smart”)

Intra-personal intelligence is the capacity to understand oneself and one’s thoughts and feelings, and to use such knowledge in planning and directioning one’s life.  Intra-personal intelligence involves not only an appreciation of the self, but also of the human condition.  It is evident in psychologist, spiritual leaders, and philosophers.  These young adults may be shy. They are very aware of their own feelings and are self-motivated.

9. Spatial Intelligence (“Picture Smart”)

Spatial intelligence is the ability to think in three dimensions.  Core capacities include mental imagery, spatial reasoning, image manipulation, graphic and artistic skills, and an active imagination.  Sailors, pilots, sculptors, painters, and architects all exhibit spatial intelligence. Young adults with this kind of intelligence may be fascinated with mazes or jigsaw puzzles, or spend free time drawing or daydreaming.

How to Gain Control of Your Emotions

Controlling your emotions doesn’t mean ignoring them. It means you recognize them and act on them when you deem it appropriate, not randomly and uncontrollably.

1.    Know your emotions. There are a million different ways you can feel, but scientists have classified human emotions into a few basics that everyone can recognize: joy, acceptance, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation. Jealousy, for example, is a manifestation of fear - fear that you’re not “as good” as something else, fear of being abandoned because you’re not “perfect” or “the best”.

2.    Recognize that emotions don’t just appear mysteriously out of nowhere. Many times, we’re at the mercy of our emotions on a subconscious level. By recognizing your emotions on a conscious level, you’re better able to control them. It’s also good to recognize an emotion from the moment it materializes, as opposed to letting it build up and intensify. The last thing you want to do is ignore or repress your feelings, because if you’re reading this, you probably know that when you do that, they tend to get worse and erupt later. Ask yourself throughout the day: “How am I feeling right now?” If you can, keep a journal.

3.    Notice what was going through your mind when the emotion appeared. Stop and analyze what you were thinking about, until you find what thought was causing that emotion. Your boss may not have made eye contact with you at lunch, for example; and without even being aware of it, the thought may have been in the back of your mind, “He’s getting ready to fire me!”

4.    Write down the evidence which supports the thought that produced the emotion or against that thought. When you begin to think about it, you might realize that since nobody gets along well with this particular boss, he can’t afford to actually fire anyone, because the department is too short-staffed. For example, you may have let slip something that you should not have said which angered him, but which it is too late to retract.

5.    Ask yourself, “What is another way to look at the situation that is more rational and more balanced than the way I was looking at it before?” Taking this new evidence into account, you may conclude that your job is safe, regardless of your boss’s petty annoyances, and you’re relieved of the emotion that was troubling you. If this doesn’t work, however, continue to the next step.

6.    Consider your options. Now that you know what emotion you’re dealing with, think of at least two different ways you can respond. Your emotions control you when you assume there’s only one way to react, but you always have a choice. For example, if someone insults you, and you experience anger, your immediate response might be to insult them back. But no matter what the emotion, there are always at least two alternatives, and you can probably think of more: (i) Don’t react; do nothing. (ii) Do the opposite of what you would normally do.

7.    Make a choice. When deciding what to do, it’s important to make sure it’s a conscious choice, not a reaction to another, competing emotion. For example, if someone insults you and you do nothing, is it your decision, or is it a response to your fear of confrontation? Here are some good reasons to act upon:

• Principles - Who do you want to be? What are your moral principles? What do you want the outcome of this situation to be? Ultimately, which is the decision you’d be most proud of? This is where religious guidance comes into play for many people.
• Logic - Which course of action is the most likely to result in the outcome you desire? For example, if you’re being confronted with a street fight, and you want to take the pacifist route, you can walk away—but, there’s a good chance that burly drunk will be insulted if you turn your back. Maybe it’s better to apologize and keep him talking until he calms down.

When To Move On From A Friendship

In life, friends come and go. Here are 10 signs that it’s time to move on from a friendship:

1.    The common ground is gone. Sometimes when whatever brought you together is gone you don’t have any reason to stay friends. If you are friends through school and then you graduate you might not be able to sustain a friendship when the common ground is gone.

2.    They’re a toxic friend. If they’re just a bad friend all around, it’s time to move on. You shouldn’t have to wonder if it’s the right choice if they are a toxic person in your life.

3.    They’re holding you back. If they are holding you back and keeping you from perusing your goals then it’s time to move on. Your friends should help to elevate you in life, not hold you back.

4.    You can’t relate to each other. If you’re not on the same page anymore then it’s time to let the friendship go. If you’re in different places in life and just can’t see where they’re coming from, it’s ok to move on.

5.    You can’t trust them. If they’ve betrayed you and you can no longer trust them, then what’s the point in staying friends? You don’t need someone in your life that you can’t trust.

6.    You’ve just drifted. Sometimes you drift apart and you can’t quite pinpoint the reason. Don’t worry about questioning it and trying to figure out why. Sometimes in life that just happens. Let it happen naturally.

7.    You don’t respect them. If you don’t respect them and the way they act or live their life, then it’s hard to stay friends. You should respect and admire your friends and if you don’t then it’s time to move on.

8.    They aren’t who you thought you were. If you’ve gotten to see their true colors after really getting to know them and you don’t like what you see, it’s ok to move on. You don’t have to be committed for life.

9.    They’re too needy. You should be there for your friends, but if they are so needy that they are smothering you, it’s ok to take a step back from the friendship.

10. They’re too controlling. If they are trying to run your entire life and control everything you do, it’s time to give the relationship some space and move on. You can make your own decisions in life; you don’t need your friends to do it for you.

Why We Have Romantic Dreams About Other People

It happens to everyone from time to time: we find ourselves having romantic dreams about people other than our boyfriend/girlfriend. You might even wake up feeling guilty, like you’ve cheated. Why does this happen and what does it mean? Here are the reasons why we have romantic dreams about other people:

1.    We have someone on our minds. This can be as simple as having run into someone recently, or having memories or thoughts of someone. Even after a brief interaction with an old friend or acquaintance, we can hold onto their image in our minds. While we sleep, our minds process all of the emotions and experiences we’ve had recently and this often includes encounters that we’ve had.

2.    We are dealing with stress. Our minds use dreams to process information that it can’t work through while we are awake. When we sleep, our subconscious explores the emotions, stresses, anxieties and changes that we face in our daily lives. In this case, the dream may not have anything to do with the person you were dreaming about, it might just be your minds way of processing information while you sleep and that person just happened to be a part of it.

3.    We have unfinished business. Another possibility for having a romantic dream about someone is that we have unfinished business with them and are holding on to it in the back of our minds. Maybe it was someone that you liked but didn’t get the courage to ask out, maybe it’s someone that you broke up with but didn’t get closure on the relationship, and so on. If we have unfinished business with someone, we can store the emotions in our subconscious for years. Our minds use dreams as a way of exploring these emotions while we sleep.

4.    We are looking for something. If your dream was about a stranger they could simply be representing a quality that you are looking for in your own relationship. You could be holding on to the idea that you want your partner to be more romantic or outgoing or affectionate and your dreams are a way of processing these desires as we sleep. You may not even realize it consciously yet, but your dreams may be trying to tell you something.

10 Signs That It’s Moving Too Fast

1.    Too much commitment too soon. Does one of you want to commit more than the other? Do they want you to make a bigger commitment than you’re really ready for? Asking too much from the relationship when it doesn’t feel right yet means that it’s moving too fast.

2.    Meeting the family too soon. Are they trying to get you to have dinner with their parents after the first date? Are you rushing to bring them home to your family right away? Meeting the parents is something that you should do after you’ve been together a while and know that you really like each other. Getting families involved right off the bat is a sign that things are going too quickly.

3.    Talking about the future. It’s okay to have casual discussions about the future, but if they are planning your wedding and picking out names for your future children it’s probably going too fast.

4.    Acting like an old married couple. New couples should be enjoying the honeymoon phase and having fun. If you’re staying in night after night and acting like an old married couple then you are trying to take things too fast. Don’t be in such a hurry to settle down.

5.    You never see your friends. It’s tempting to spend all your time together when you first start dating, but if you never spend any time with your friends anymore it’s a sign that the relationship is moving too quickly. Take a breath and spend time apart.

6.    Your life suffers. If your grades are slipping, you’re job performance is suffering or you can’t keep up your commitments because you’re so into your new relationship, then it’s definitely moving too fast. Don’t let other areas of your life suffer at the expense of your relationship.

7.    You feel pressured. You should feel relaxed and at ease with each other, not pressured and stressed out. If you can’t relax in the relationship then maybe it’s too much, too soon.

8.    Your gut doesn’t feel right. Sometimes you can’t quite pin point it, but something about the relationship just doesn’t feel right. A good relationship should be easy and almost effortless. If your gut is telling you otherwise then it might just be moving too quickly for you.

9.    People are commenting. If your parents or friends are constantly saying “gee, I haven’t seen you in ages” or “where have you been?” then chances are it’s moving too fast. You don’t need to drop off the face of the earth in order to spend every second together.

10. You feel a sense of urgency. If you constantly feel rushed and have a sense that things need to happen right now then maybe you’re just moving too fast. You don’t need to commit, plan your future, etc. this very moment. If you always feel a sense of urgency in your relationship it might be a sign to slow it down.

Relationship Spring Cleaning

Spring is the time of year for starting fresh and cleaning out the old. It’s also a great time to spring clean your relationships. Here are some ways to breathe new life into all of your relationships:

·        Forgive. If you’ve been holding a grudge or harboring feelings of ill will about something, it’s time to let it go. Make peace with the issue and forgive your friend or partner. You’ll feel better if you can let go and move forward.

·        Have an important conversation. Have you been avoiding having an important talk with someone close to you? Maybe you’ve needed to confess something or confront someone about something that’s on your mind. Spring is the perfect time to do that. Get the courage up to sit them down and do it. You’ll feel way better once you’ve gotten it off your chest.

·        Get rid of a toxic friend. If there’s someone in your life who simply isn’t good for you, this is a good time to let them go. Get people out of your life who are negative and who aren’t contributing to making you happy.

·        Apologize. If you’re in the wrong about something, this is a great time to say you’re sorry. Apologize for whatever you did that was wrong or hurtful. You’ll be able to move forward and feel good knowing that you did the right thing by taking ownership of your mistakes.

·        Tell your friends how much you appreciate them. We are all guilty of taking our friends for granted. They’re always there when we need them and it’s easy to get complacent and forget to tell them how much we appreciate them. Spring clean your friendships by taking the time to let your friends know how great you think they are.

·        End a stale relationship. Spring is a good time to let go of a relationship that just isn’t working anymore. Breaking up is hard, but spring symbolizes new life and new growth, so if your relationship is stale and you aren’t growing together as a couple, it’s a good time to end it and move on.

·        Speak up. If you are upset about something or something is on your mind, speak up about it and let the other person know how you feel. Spring clean your relationships by voicing your opinions and concerns that you’ve kept quiet. Turn over a new leaf by promising yourself to speak up and not keep things bottled up.

·        Ask someone out. If there’s someone you’ve had your eye on for a long time but have been too shy to ask them out, now is the time to go for it. Spring fever is in the air and it’s a great time for a fresh start and a new relationship. Take a chance and ask them out. You never know until you try!

10 Signs That It Just Isn’t Working

ou’ve been through ups and downs together, good times, and bad. You’ve had problems and have tried your best to communicate and work through them. But sometimes there comes a time when you realize it just isn’t working anymore. Here are 10 signs to watch for:

1.    You keep having the same fights. Even though you resolve to work on your issues, if the same stuff keeps coming up over and over again in your fights it’s clearly not getting worked out.

2.    The idea of losing them isn’t that scary. When it’s meant to be the idea of breaking up seems like the end of the world. But if you can picture life without them and it actually doesn’t seem that bad, then there’s a good indicator that it’s not working.

3.    You just feel exhausted. When seeing them feels like a chore because you know you’re just going to argue or nag at each other, and you feel tired before you even start, it’s not a good sign. Seeing him or her should be fun, not a burden.

4.    You’re looking at what else is out there. Maybe you’re not acting on it, but if you’ve started to check out other guys/girls and have been considering who else might be out there for you, then you’ve already moved on.

5.    They just don’t get you. Your significant other should be the person you turn to and confide in, but if you feel like they just don’t understand you and you’re not on the same page then it’s probably time to call it quits.

6.    You have more bad times than good. If you spend more time fighting than having fun, why are you still together?

7.    You’ve lost that loving feeling. If all the chemistry and romance is gone from your relationship and you’re more like friends, then you have to look at whether or not you want to try to inject more passion into the relationship, or if your heart just isn’t in it anymore.

8.    You just don’t see a future. Do you picture them as the person you’re walking down the aisle with? Or someone you’ll grow old with? If you just can’t see it now then chances are you never will.

9.    You don’t respect each other. If you don’t like each other as people then it’s never going to work no matter how hard you try. Once the lust and the passion wear off you need to actually like the other person’s personality. If you don’t, it’s time to call it quits.

10. You’ve given all you have to give. If you’ve had numerous fights, big talks and resolutions that things are going to change and you’re still stuck in the same rut, there’s not much more you can do. When you feel like you’ve tried everything you can at least end it knowing that you gave it your all.

10 Signs That They Are Selfish

Is your relationship all about them? Does everything revolve around them and their needs, or is it an equal partnership? Here are 10 signs that your boyfriend/girlfriend is selfish:

1.    You never hang out with your friends. Are you always spending time with their friends or their family but never yours? If so, you need to wonder why they seem to think that their friends are more important than yours.

2.    Your dates are always around their schedule. If everything needs to take place when it works for them and they never consider what your schedule is, then you might wonder if they think that their life takes priority over yours.

3.    You’ve met their parents but they haven’t met yours. If you’re having Sunday dinners at their house every week and going to their Grandma’s birthday party but they haven’t even met your folks it could be a sign that they just don’t think that your family is that important.

4.    They don’t ask questions about you. You know all about what’s going on in their life, what they’re doing at work, what their summer plans are and what book they’re currently reading. But if they never even ask about you, what you’re up to or what you’re thinking, chances are they don’t care as much about you as they do about themselves.

5.    It’s all take and no give. Do you give, give, give but never receive? If you’re always doing things for them, treating them and surprising them with thoughtful gestures and you never receive any in return then it sounds like they want to reap all the rewards of your relationship without expecting to make any effort in return.

6.    They act without considering others. When making decisions do they think about how other people will be affected? Do they act without considering others and their feelings? If yes, they are truly only thinking of themselves.

7.    They make everything about themselves. Does every conversation wind up revolving around them? Do they turn every story into something about them? Chances are they aren’t even listening to you talk before trying to get the conversation back to themselves.

8.    Nothing is their fault. Do they accept blame or is it always someone else’s fault? Selfish people think that they are never in the wrong and are constantly assigning blame to anyone other than themselves.

9.    They are the expert on everything. They seem to know everything about every subject and are the authority on everything including you and what you feel, think and what’s best for you. If they don’t even bother to ask your opinion because they assume they already know then you have a selfish partner on your hands.

10. They can’t compromise. Does every argument or decision end with you giving in to what they want? That’s because selfish people aren’t interested in compromising. It’s their way or the highway.

How To Be A Cool Boyfriend/Girlfriend

We all know those people who just seem like they would be a really great boyfriend or girlfriend to have. They have a ton of fun and don’t get hung up on nagging or being jealous. Here are 10 tips on how to be a cool boyfriend/girlfriend yourself:

1.    Have a life. Being independent and having your own life, your own goals, friends, etc is one of the coolest things you can do in a relationship. You’ll always be interesting to be around and your partner will feel lucky to have you.

2.    Get along with their friends and families. Your partner will think it’s really cool if all of their buddies and their families like you and want to have you around. No one wants to date that person that no one wants to be around.

3.    Be creative. Don’t just suggest the same old dinner and a movie or say, “whatever you want” when asked what you want to do on a date. Take the initiative and think of creative date ideas and your partner will be super impressed and counting down until your next date.

4.    Be thoughtful. Treat your boyfriend/girlfriend to thoughtful little surprises and treats and they’ll think you’re amazing. Not only will they love the gestures but they’ll feel super special and always be looking forward to what’s next.

5.    Be their biggest fan. You are guaranteed to be the coolest boyfriend/girlfriend out there if you are always cheering your partner on in life. Everyone loves to be around someone that inspires them and builds them up.

6.    Have their back. If your partner knows that they can always count on you to defend them, stick up for them, and be there for them, they won’t be able to help but think you’re the greatest. The security of knowing that you’re always there for them will make them feel great.

7.    Be low maintenance. Low maintenance people are fun and easy to be around. They’re relaxed and are able to just go with the flow without a lot of drama. If you’re low maintenance your partner will love how easygoing you are.

8.    Be spontaneous. Your partner will think you’re super fun if you’re up for anything and can have fun anytime or anywhere. If you just need each other to have a good time you’re lucky to be together.

9.    Have ambition. You’ll be inspiring if you share your goals and your ambitions with your partner. They’ll be psyched to think about their own goals and share them with you too. It’s a downer being with someone who just wants to hang out and do nothing.

10. Don’t be perfect. The coolest people to be with aren’t afraid to look dorky and don’t have to be perfect all the time. They can let their guard down and just have fun. If you and your partner can do that together then you’ll be the coolest people in each other’s eyes.

10 Signs You’re Ready to Date Again

After a rough breakup you might feel like you never want to date again. But eventually, you will get over it and find yourself starting to think about dating again. Here are the signs that you’re ready:

1.    You don’t think about your ex all the time. When you first break up, your ex is always on your mind. But, as time passes you go longer and longer without thinking about them. You’re ready to date again when you aren’t constantly thinking about them and can go more than a day without thinking about them and wondering what they’re doing.

2.    You can picture a future without your ex. If you can start to see your future and it doesn’t involve your ex, you’re ready to start dating again. You may not know who your future partner will be, but you’re not ready to start dating if you can only think of your ex.

3.    You aren’t doing it to make them jealous. You aren’t ready to date if you’re using it as a way of playing games to make your ex jealous. If you’re doing it for yourself, and for other positive reasons, then you’re ready.

4.    You’re wondering who else is out there. If you’re starting to think about whom else might be out there for you, you’re ready to start dating again. If you can get your ex out of your mind and start to get excited about the idea of meeting other people, it’s a great sign that you’re ready for a new relationship.

5.    You’re ready to have fun. Dating new people is really fun. If you’re ready to stop being alone and to stop moping about your ex, and are excited to get out and start having fun again, it’s a sign that you’re ready to move on.

6.    You’re ready for the excitement of a new relationship. Being in a new relationship is fun and exhilarating. If you’re excited about experiencing the thrill of a new relationship again, you’re ready to get out there and start dating again.

7.    You’re doing it for the right reasons. If you want to start dating because you want to find the right person for you, you want to have fun, and you want to meet someone new, then you’re ready to date again. If you’re doing it for revenge or to get back at your ex or just because you’re lonely, then those aren’t the right reasons.

8.    You’re happy being alone. If you’re ok being single and are happy on your own, then you’re ready to start dating again. You need to be confident enough on your own in order to be ready for a new relationship.

9.    You’re emotionally available. You’re ready to start dating again if you’re over your past relationship and are ready to get emotionally involved again. If you’re too fragile or hurt by your ex to give your heart to a new partner, you aren’t ready.

10. You’re not trying to get back together. If you’re not secretly holding onto hope of getting back together with your ex, then you’re ready to date again. If you’re holding out for them to come back into your life, you’re not ready for someone new.

Guy’s Body Language Cues

He’ll serve you an eyebrow flash. When we first see someone we’re attracted to, our eyebrows rise and fall. If they like us back, they raise their eyebrows. The whole thing lasts about a fifth of a second and it happens everywhere in the world — to everyone regardless of age, race, or class. Lifting our brows pulls the eyes open and allows more light to reflect off the surface, making them look bright, large and inviting. A flash might be easy to miss but they’re so reliable, if you do spot one, you may know someone likes you before they’ve even registered it themselves. Deliberately extend it for up to one second and you’ve drastically upped the chances of him getting the message you’re interested.

His lips part. If he likes what he sees, his lips will automatically part for a moment when your eyes first lock.

His nostrils flare and his face generally “opens”. The raised brows, parted lips, flaring nostrils and wide eyes give the whole face a friendly “open” expression.

He’ll try to attract your attention. For some men, this might mean a subtle tie adjustment along with a silent prayer that you’ll notice the flash of movement. Others turn into Bippo the Clown and become so loud and boisterous, they’re practically juggling and doing handstands. Any exaggerated movement or gesture usually means he’s trying to stand out from the group. Another giveaway: he’ll unconsciously detach from his friends by standing slightly apart, hoping to be seen as an individual.

He’ll stroke his tie or smooth a lapel. We all know what these preening gestures mean. They’re the equivalent of the female lip lick — ”I want to look good for you.”

He’ll smooth or mess up his hair. Which gestures he chooses depends on his hairstyle and what’s going to make it look more flattering. Guys do this involuntarily and more often than you think. Glance back next time you trot off to the restroom and I bet his hands will be on their way to touching his hair.

His eyebrows remain slightly raised while you’re talking. A slightly surprised, quizzical expression means he finds you fascinating. Or completely nuts. Quite frankly, either are preferable to a man who looks at you with a smooth, relaxed brow and eyes. That one simply finds you boring. 

He’ll fiddle with his socks and pull them up. In the old days, men only dressed up on special occasions, and while the suit might have survived months in mothballs, the socks invariably continued to get worn (to death). Hence, why he spent half the night pulling them up, in an attempt to look the part. It’s an extension of preening and it’s astonishingly accurate. If a guy pulls up or adjusts his socks in your presence, it’s an almost 100 percent sign he’s interested and trying to look his best.

Everything is erect. Ahem. What I mean is he’ll stand with all his muscles pulled tight, to show his body off to best advantage. He’ll also stand directly in front of you to show full attention and lean forward to get closer.

He’ll let you see him checking out your body. Some experts call it “visual voyaging” — his eyes take a little cruise around your body, stopping momentarily at the prettiest ports. Don’t kid yourself: he scanned your body automatically the second he laid eyes on you. The difference here is that he’s letting you see him do it. The message: I’m considering you as a sexual partner.

He’ll spread his legs while sitting opposite, to give you a crotch display. He’s letting you have a good look at what’s on offer. Hopefully, he still has his jeans or pants on at the time.

He’ll stand with hands on hips. This accentuates his physical size and suggests body confidence. It’s also a pointing gesture. We point with our hands at our own best sexual assets and also at the parts of our body where we’d most like to be touched. If he spends the night with his hands on his hips, fingers splayed and pointing downward, he’s willing you to look, touch and admire the part he’s proudest of. All subconscious, of course. Well, it is in most cases…

He’ll play with the buttons on his jacket, buttoning and unbuttoning it. It’s a displacement activity (fiddling) because you’ve made him a little nervous, plus an unconscious desire to remove his clothes. The next stage is to push the jacket open and hold it there by putting his hands on his hips. If he takes it off completely, he’s imagining his shoes under your bed.

He’ll touch his face a lot, while looking at you. If he’s interested, he’ll stroke his cheek up and down with the back of his fingers, touch his ears, or rub his chin. It’s a combination of nervous excitement, preening and autoerotic touching. When we’re attracted to someone, our skin (most noticeably our lips and mouth) become increasingly sensitive to touch and other stimulation. If you smoke, you’ll take more drags on your cigarette. If you’re drinking, you’ll take more sips. You start touching your own mouth more because your lips are ultra sensitive and it feels good. Plus, it plants the idea in the other person’s mind that it could be a good idea to kiss you.

He’ll start squeezing his glass or can or roll it from side to side, slightly squeezing it as he does so. When men are sexually interested, they start playing with circular objects. Why? They remind him of your breasts: his body is “leaking” what’s happening in his subconscious mind.

He’ll perch on the edge of his seat to get closer. And if he crosses his legs, the top leg will point in your direction.

He’ll guide you by putting his arm on your elbow or in the small of your back. The arm guide isn’t just good manners and a polite way of guiding you through a crowd; he’s making sure he knows exactly where you’re going by taking you there. He doesn’t want to lose you! It also shows you’re being “taken care of” so no other men need volunteer. Along with the arm guide, there’ll be lots of accidentally-on-purpose touches.

He’ll lend you his coat or sweater. Few guys would be happy to return from the bar to find their girlfriend’s evening dress covered by another guy’s jacket. Never mind if her teeth were chattering from life-threatening hypothermia. He wants it to be his jacket because it’s a protective, sexy, ownership gesture. It says “what’s mine is yours,” something that’s been close to their skin is now close to yours (and vice versa when you give it back). It smelled of him to begin with; it’ll smell of you when you return it. Plus, it links you: he has to hang around to get it back.

Managing Depression

Depression is a recognised clinical condition. You can’t just “try and pull yourself together” … or “snap out of it” … or “get over it”. However, there are a few things that may help improve your mood so it may be worth giving them a try. For example,

 1. We know that exercise changes brain chemistry and acts a natural antidepressant - so why not go for a walk or a run.

 2. Hanging out with people who accept and love us is often a comfort when we’re feeling depressed. But make sure it’s someone who’s generally upbeat as a critical person will make you feel worse!

3. Make yourself do something you used to enjoy as often this can stir buried pleasant feelings. It shifts your focus from pain and emptiness to something that may give you a sense of joy (even it’s muted or relatively mild).

4. Make sure you go outside, and your surroundings are well lit, as this helps to lessen our feelings of depression (especially if you suffer from SAD).

5. Take a bath or shower, and put on some clean clothes. Surprisingly, this often can improve our mood.             

6. Tidy up or clean – even if it’s just one corner – as that can bring a sense of accomplishment.

Pros & Cons Of Staying Friends After You Break Up

Is it better to remain friends after you break up or to go your separate ways? It’s hard to say which is best for each couple, but here are the pros and cons to consider:

Pros

·        You’ll have something to show for your time together. After all the time and energy you spent on your relationship when you were together, it’s nice to have a great friendship to show for it after you break up. You’ve already put the time and effort in so it’s great to continue to enjoy the benefits even if you aren’t together as a couple.

·        You know each other really well. After being a couple you know each other inside and out so it’s an easy transition into being friends. Because you know them so well you’ll be able to a great friend to them and visa versa.

·        You’re compatible. If you were together as a couple you’re bound to have some things in common that you can carry over and enjoy as friends. It’s great to be able to keep spending time together doing what you enjoy even if you’re not dating anymore.

·        There’s less pressure and more fun. You don’t have to worry about living up to each other’s expectations like you do when you’re together in a relationship. As friends you still get to spend time together but you can just have fun and forget about the pressures of being a couple.

Cons

·        You’re not used to hanging out as friends. It can be hard to spend time together as friends when you’re used to being in a romantic relationship. You might have to remind yourself not to reach out to hold hands or to do other things that you might have done when you were a couple.

·        Having to talk about new relationships. Friends typically talk to each other about who they are dating, so if you’re friends with your ex you might have to listen to them talk about their new boyfriend/girlfriend. This can be really hard, even if you think you’re over them.

·        They’ve seen your vulnerable side. We let our romantic partners see more personal sides of us than we do with our friends. It can be difficult to go from that close and personal relationship to one that is more casual after you’ve already been together.

·        It can be hard to forgive. If you want to be friends you’ll have to get over whatever problems you had as a couple and put them aside. If you’re not prepared to do this you might have a tough time being friends after you break up.

10 Tips for Successful Studying

Make studying a part of your everyday school routine and don’t be limited to ‘cramming’ for exams and tests.

1. Establish a routine: Set aside a particular time each day for study and revision and stick to it.

2. Create a study environmentThis should be away from interruptions and household noise, such as the television. Ensure there is adequate lighting and ventilation, a comfortable chair and appropriate desk.

3. Set a timetable: With a timetable you can plan to cover all your subjects in an organised way, allotting the appropriate time for each without becoming overwhelmed.

4. Look after yourself: Drink plenty of fluids, especially water, and eat healthy foods. Keep sugary foods to a minimum. Make sure you get enough sleep each night. Regular physical exercise makes you feel great, boosts your energy and helps you relax. So try to keep up regular sporting activities or at least fit in some regular exercise as often as you can.

5. Reward yourself for studying: Watch your favourite television program, spend time with your friends, walk to the park and play sport throughout the week.

6. Have variety in your study program: Study different subjects each day and do different types of work and revision in each study session.

7. Avoid interrupting your concentration: Have all the appropriate materials with you before you start a session of study to minimise distractions.

8. Test yourself on what you have studied: Ask your parents or family members to quiz you on what you have learnt, use draft questions from books, past assessments or major exam papers.

9. Don’t panic at exam time: If you have followed a study routine and have been revising your class work, there should be no need to worry. Try to keep yourself calm, positive and confident.

10. Ask your teachers for guidance: Especially if you’re having trouble - whether it’s grasping a new concept or understanding something you learnt earlier in the year. They will be happy to help.

Universal Characteristics Of An Ideal Partner

We all have different types that we are attracted to and different things that we like in a partner, but there are certain characteristics that are universal and nearly everyone sees as important. Here are 10 characteristics of an ideal partner that almost everyone can agree on:

1.    Respectful. Someone who values the importance of our lives, our choices, and our friends and family and treats us with respect is attractive to everyone.

2.    Sense of Humor. Nearly everyone values this in a relationship, especially as life throws tough situations at us. Being able to laugh together is a way that we cope with stress and get through things together.

3.    Appreciative. No matter who you are, you want to know that you are appreciated in your relationship. No one wants to be taken for granted and we all like when our partner is appreciative and lets us know how much they enjoy being with us.

4.    Thoughtful. Having a partner that thinks of us and anticipates our needs is something that we all like. Someone who thinks of what we want and need and doesn’t just consider themselves is something we all look for in an ideal partner.

5.    Open. No one wants to be with someone who is guarded, closed off and doesn’t let us in. When someone is open in a relationship it shows us that we are also free to be open and be ourselves.

6.    Honest. It doesn’t matter who you are, we all want a partner who is honest with us. No one wants to be lied to or deceived in a relationship, so having a partner that is honest with us is something that everyone is looking for.

7.    Kind. We all want to be with someone who is kind to us and treats us nicely. No one wants to be put down and made to feel badly about themselves in a relationship. Having a partner who is just a nice person and treats us well is something that we all want.

8.    Genuine. No one wants to be with someone who is fake or two-faced. Having a partner that is genuine and can be themselves encourages us to be ourselves with them too.

9.    Supportive. No matter what we are doing in our lives or what our goals are, it’s always great to have a partner who is supportive of us. Even if they have different interests themselves, it’s important to be with someone who is there for you and values what you’re doing.

10. Easy to be around. We’re all looking for someone who we can be comfortable with and who is easy to be around. Having to put on an act or be someone we aren’t is exhausting and no one wants a relationship where being together feels like a chore. A partner that is just easy to be around is something that everyone wants.