the person who loves you now once loved someone else, and you have to be okay with that

he person who loves you now, at this very moment in time, at this particular juncture in space, once loved someone else before you, and you have to be okay with that. You have to be okay with all the previous mouths they’ve kissed or put their tongues into, all the names they’ve pronounced dozens of times until they got them just right. You have to be okay with those things, and with the beds they’ve slept in that were not their own, with the hands they held and the bodies they explored, even the awkward first dates they went on filled with so much tension it couldn’t have been sliced even with a butcher knife.

Because the thing is, the person who loves you now was a different person entirely before they were with you. Every passageway hidden inside their body was lit differently; every corridor inside their brain was traveled by new thoughts. Their synapses were firing with another kind of love, a love unique to this person and their significant other. If all the different kinds of love in the world were bottled up in tiny vials like perfume or shots of alcohol, there would be millions. Billions, even. Trillions. Because what’s love for one person, is something else entirely to another. So the person who loves you now- they once held a bottle of another color, size, shape, you name it, in their hands, right over their heart.

But that doesn’t mean that you have to try to find this vial, wherever it’s residing currently, and smash it open till all the love pours out in a thick stream, just so you can fill yours with the same kind of love. It doesn’t mean that. In fact, it’s better if you don’t, because what the person who loves you now had with their previous lover can never be replicated. It would be wrong to steal a feeling like that and try to make it your own.

The body is basically a mosaic. Every inch of it- veins, lungs, liver, fingernails- is filled with different memories and experiences. It’s a collage of so many things. If you aren’t okay with the person who loves you now, loving someone else before you, then essentially you’re not okay with all the shards nestled beneath their skin that are made up of this previous lover. Essentially, you’re not okay with some of their pieces, and without those pieces, they wouldn’t be whole. You can’t be with a broken shell of a person, or a half skeleton, or a mosaic missing its most basic parts.

You have to learn to say yes to the entire person, not just the parts of them you wish were yours. The person you love now isn’t a computer chip whose electrical wiring and circuits can be deleted or removed at will. So treat them like every single shard and scar and word is necessary, because, well, it is.

And it can be so hard to lie awake at night while your partner is asleep, tracing the curves of their back and counting the names of their exes instead of sheep. If you’re looking for a cure for insomnia, that’s certainly not going to help. It’s difficult, yes, as difficult as crawling through a hurricane or pulling yourself from the wreckage of a splintered ship lost in the middle of the water, but you have to stop thinking about everyone who loved the person who now loves you, and who they loved before you. The past can’t be changed, only less thought of.

Besides, think of it this way- who you go home to at night, who you wake up to in the morning, who you hold like a tidal wave, who you’d rather lie next to than get up- they’re made up of everyone before them. They’re made up of all this previous love, all these different kinds of love, a multitude of different loves and first and last dates, a plethora of hugs and stargazings and the first time they were ever told or said “I love you.” With all that love buried deep within the basement of their heart, they’ve been taught how to be prepared for you. All their previous lovers were just preparing them for loving you. They’ve been taught so well, by some of the best teachers. It’s okay to be the recipient of someone else’s lesson. Remember that.

The person who loves you now, right now- who even as you read this might be touching your neck in that way they do, or smiling at you from across the room, or wishing they could bed you right then and there- they loved someone else before you. And you have to be okay with that, you do.

Because the fact that they love you now, despite loving someone else beforehand, means that you’re pretty damn special.

Ten Life Lessons from How I Met Your Mother

http://movies.allwomenstalk.com/life-lessons-from-how-i-met-your-mother

1. IF IT’S MEANT TO BE, IT WILL BE

#1 of all the life lessons that anyone can take away from How I Met Your Mother is if it's meant to be, it will be. Throughout the show, Ted is constantly searching for the love of his life so he can get married. As it turns out, after eight seasons, Ted still isn't even close to being married. Thus we learn the age old lesson of it's it meant to be, it will be. You shouldn't go looking for love, love is supposed to find you.

2. LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS HARDLY EVER WORK

Please note that this life lesson is titled Long Distance Relationships HARDLY Ever Work because sometimes they do. However, my personal experience and HIMYM both prove that it is very rare that they work out especially if over a long period of time. In the first season, Ted is dating Victoria who gets offered a fellowship at a culinary institute in Germany. At the airport, Ted and Victoria decide to give long distance a try, both saying that it will work. However, Future Ted tells his kids that it didn't, and that long-distance relationships hardly ever work. In the next episode we learn that Ted hates having to be on the phone all the time and is running out of things to talk about with Victoria. The next life lesson will let you know how the long distance relationship ended.

3. NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPENS AFTER 2 A.M

This is definitely one of my favorite life lessons that I've learned from HIMYM because I've found it to be so true in my life. In the first season, Ted is in a long distance relationship with Victoria which he feels is starting to fall apart. Meanwhile, Robin finally realizes her feelings for Ted and invites him over after 2 a.m. to "make juice". Trying to decide what to do, Ted remembers a saying his mother used to have: "Nothing good happens after 2 a.m." Believing that Victoria was going to be breaking up with him anyway, Ted goes over to Robin's apartment. When Ted arrives at Robin's apartment, he lies about breaking up with Victoria and they begin kissing. However, when Ted excuses himself to go to the bathroom to secretly call Victoria, he realizes he has Robin's phone and Robin has answered his phone when Victoria calls. Furious that Ted lied to her about them having broken up, Robin gives him his phone telling him to call Victoria back. Future Ted reminds his kids that nothing good happens after 2 a.m. and inevitably loses both Robin and Victoria in one night.

4. THINGS YOU MAY NOT HAVE LIKED BEFORE MAY NOT BE THAT BAD LATER ON

In season one, Ted finds an old shirt he owned for six years but had never previously liked and realizes he now likes it. He later discovers that he likes Bourbon, which he thought he hated. Realizing that his tastes have changed, he decides to reconsider girls he has previously dated but did not seem right at the time. This is definitely a life lesson everyone can relate to. I used to hate eating mushrooms and now I love them! Also, people I used to know from high school and had no interest in being friends with back then, I now talk to on a regular basis.

5. THE FRONT PORCH TEST

In the fourth season, Lily confesses that she has been breaking Ted up with girls who she didn't see passing the "Front Porch Test." The Front Porch Test is Lily's indication of how happy they would all be together once they were old, thus showing if someone's love interest was right for them or not. The life lesson that is learned from this is that the most important people in your life you can imagine sitting happily on a front porch with when you're old and gray. If can also be applied to help you make everyday decisions. Before making a big decision in your life, imagine that you are 80-years-old and sitting on your porch being nostalgic about your life that has gone by. Would you be happy if you chose to be an accountant? Or would you be happier knowing you pursued your writing career?

6. CLUBS ARE TERRIBLE

First off, this is definitely a life lesson for the older young adult crowd. When I was younger, I used to love going to clubs! Now, I'm 23 and I hate them. I would be so much happier hanging out at a bar or lounge then a club. In the first season, Robin has been invited to come to a new dance club called "Okay" to which Ted and Barney agree to come along. I think this is the only TV show episode that has ever shown the truth about clubs and why they are terrible. Ted tries to talk to a girl but can't understand her because of the incredibly loud music, it takes Ted an hour to get a beer at the bar, and Robin ends up not being able to get back into the club because the bouncers at the front of the door switched. In my experience, ALL of these things have happened to me every time I've gone to a New York City club. Save yourself the time and money by heeding this important life lesson.

7. BRUNCH IS FOR COUPLES AND FAMILIES, BUT NOT ALONE

Brunch is a meal time that is talked about a lot on HIMYM as being a favorite. I learned that almost everyone loves brunch, but not everyone can go to brunch. In season two, Marshall is having a hard time coping with being single. He is shown trying to attend brunch alone to which the hostess looks at him funny and Marshall runs out saying "I knew I shouldn't have come!" He starts hanging out with his friend Brad in order to do things that Marshall used to be able to do in a couple. Brad says, "Why can't two Bros go out and rock brunch, Sunday morning style?" Slowly Marshall starts realizing that Brad and him seem like a couple instead of friends with all of their activities. Thus proving brunch is really only for couples... and families, but not alone!

8. ALWAYS CONSIDER THE CRAZY/HOT SCALE

The Hot/Crazy Scale is a graph created by Barney that is used to display someone's hot-to-crazy ratio. Barney explains that a person is allowed to be crazy, as long as they are equally hot. Ideally, you want your date to be above the diagonal line, indicating that they are hotter than they are crazy. Everyone is a little crazy in some way, that's what keeps relationships interesting. But the crazier someone is, the hotter they need to be to get away with it and still be date-able.

9. BODY LANGUAGE WILL TELL ABOUT A PERSON’S AVAILABILITY

In season two, Barney's brother James comes to visit and tells the gang that they are young people living in New York and that they should go out and have fun even though they are all in relationships besides Barney. Once they are all out, the couples realize James is acting strange. He was described as being like Barney only gay, but he is turning down a lot of guys, complaining about his feet hurting him, and generally acting like the couples are who are all sitting down together instead of socializing. When they see James text messaging someone, they realize he is in a relationship. This actually happened to me when I was at a bar in college. I was texting my then boyfriends and sitting down at a booth rather then up and socializing. A guy came over to talk to one of my other friends, and said that I must have a boyfriend because I'm sitting down texting on my phone rather then up at the bar socializing. Using this life lesson you will always be able to pick out
the couples from the single people.

10. THERE IS ALWAYS A CLEAR WINNER AND A CLEAR LOSER

In season three, Robin announces that her former boyfriend Simon plans to meet up with her later on at the bar. The group agrees that every time old friends come together, after not seeing each other for years, there is a clear winner and a clear loser. In other words, someone has done well in real life and someone hasn’t. They begin to tally the points for Robin and Simon's reunion. Robin receives two from Barney for her breasts, one from Ted for Simon still living with his mother, one from Lily because Simon never became a rock star, and a final one from Marshall because Simon now works at a water park that doesn't even have a wave pool. Simon walks in and it is immediately clear that Robin should be the winner: he is balding, overweight, and wearing out of style clothes. I've felt that I've been on both ends of this spectrum. I've been both the clear winner or the clear loser in reunions at least in my mind. It really comes down to how happy you are with your life. If you're happy then you will always feel like a winner.