How To Maintain A Friendship Through Change

How To Maintain A Friendship Through Change

We’ve all been there, where we drift away from a close friend when one of us goes through a change in life. It might be a move to a new city, changing jobs or schools, or any other major life change that can push us apart. It’s natural for friendships to ebb and flow based on life changes, but if you have a friendship that’s particularly important and you want to maintain, here are some ways to keep close during a change:

·        Stay in touch. Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. There are so many ways to stay in touch, from the phone to instant messaging to texting. Pick whatever mediums work best for you and your friend and make a real effort to keep in touch. Staying in communication is the best way to maintain your friendships.

·        Have reasonable expectations. While you’re trying to stay in touch and communicate, make sure you are realistic in what you expect of each other. Don’t vow to talk every day and visit every weekend – it will be too difficult to keep up as you each try to build new lives without each other. If your expectations are too high you’ll only get disappointed when you can’t keep them up.

·        Set a regular date. Even as you are both focusing on moving on and adjusting to the change, you can set a regular time and place to hang out, have a Skype date, or visit each other. Maybe you have brunch every Sunday, or Skype every Tuesday while you watch your favorite show together. Whatever it is, keeping a regular date will make sure that you stay a part of each others lives, even if you don’t see each other outside of that time.

·        Cut each other some slack. If your friend doesn’t email you back right away or doesn’t respond to your texts for a few days, cut them some slack. You’re both bound to get busy with your own lives and it’s not realistic to expect to be each other’s top priorities all of the time. Know that you love each other and that you’ll talk again soon.

·        Focus on other things in your life. Make sure you each still have lots of your own things going on so you’re not sitting around dwelling on the fact that you aren’t living in the same city anymore, or seeing each other all the time. Keep busy with other stuff and you’ll have more to talk about when you do see each other.

·        Don’t force it. Keep in mind that friendships come and go in life and sometimes you might be close for a while, drift apart, and perhaps even become close again. That’s the natural rhythm of friendships and life. Do your best to stay in touch but don’t force it if one of you is moving on. Just wish them the best and be open to the possibility of being close again one day.

Reasons To Be Happy:

Reasons To Be Happy:

1. Dead trees still stand and so can you.
2. You have five fingers on each hand. One day those fingers will travel from your lap to someone else’s and that person will know all the bad stuff and still want to kiss you. 
3. Seasons are guaranteed when nothing else seems to be.

Bonding With Your Friends

Bonding With Your Friends

There’s tons of advice out there on great ways to keep our romantic relationships fresh or new ways to please our partners, but we hear very little about ways to nurture our friendships. It’s important not to let our friendships get stagnant and complacent or we can start to take them for granted. Here are some great ways to shake things up with your friends and get some summer great bonding time in:

·        Camping. This is an awesome way to spend time with your friends. It involves planning the trip, preparing, driving out to the campsite together, setting up the tent, and so many other bonding activities all rolled into one. Camping is an experience that is fun and relaxing but has elements of work and a sense of accomplishment built in too. You’ll have a great time with your friends and make so many new memories together. It’s great to get away from your usual surroundings and enjoy the natural scenery together without the distractions of your daily lives.

·        Physical challenge. Whether it’s training for a race together, doing a hike, a triathlon or anything physical, it’s bound to be a great bonding experience. Working towards something physical is a great way to help motivate each other and feel a great sense of achievement when you complete it. Rewarding yourselves afterwards is also part of the fun.

·        Road trip. It doesn’t even matter where you go, just pile into a car and hit the road. Getting out on the open road makes way for great conversation, singing in the car and trying to navigate where you’re going. You’ll see new places, and getting out of town and away from distractions is a great way to get closer with your friends.

·        Technology free beach day. Going to the beach is fun, but sometimes everyone ends up texting and facebooking photos the whole time instead of talking. Declare your next day at the beach to be technology free. Instead, spend your time lying in the sun and talking, working on a crossword puzzle together or playing a game together. You’ll be amazed at how much more you talk and learn about each other when you aren’t staring at your phone the whole time.

·        Volunteer. Pick a cause that you all believe in and go and volunteer for an afternoon. Maybe it’s at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, kids camp, or SPCA. Whatever it is, you’ll feel great about helping others and it gives you some variety from just sitting around or hanging out at the mall. You might like it so much that you and your friends will make it a regular occurrence.

Adventure Dates

Adventure Dates

Summer is the perfect time to ditch dinner and a movie and do something wild and crazy on a date. The weather is hot and there’s a feeling of spontaneity that comes with summer, so take advantage and try one, or all, of these adventurous date ideas:

·        Hiking.  Strap on a pack and set out on a hike. Choose a trail that’s appropriate for your level of expertise and take your partner out for a day of fun. Hiking is a fun way to do something adventurous and gives us a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that feels great when we reach the top. There can also be a playful, competitive spirit at play as you hike, which can make the date even more fun.

·        White water rafting. Find a guide, or a group to go with, and take your partner out to ride the rapids. The freezing cold, rushing water will keep your heart and adrenaline pumping, and will give you a fun, physical challenge as well.

·        Bungee jumping. This isn’t for the faint of heart, but if you’re looking for something truly adventurous, then this is the date for you. You will bond with your partner over the fear and thrill of doing something so crazy together.

·        Zip lining. Flying through the air on a zip line will give you and your date an experience that you’ll never forget. The freedom of feeling weightless will give you a great rush, and conquering your fears together will bring you even closer together.

·        Sky diving. This is the ultimate in adventure dates. You’ll have an experience that neither of you will ever forget, and it will give you something to talk about long after it’s over. Plus you need to attend training courses together before you do it, and the act of working towards something together will be fun and rewarding.

·        Babysitting. In all seriousness, this can be a major adventure, especially if you’re not used to hanging out with kids. Offer to babysit a relative’s kids for an afternoon and hang on for a wild ride. Kids are totally unpredictable and all over the map, so get ready for a day of fun, frustration, exhaustion and mayhem. You’ll both be beat afterwards and will be happy to give the kids back to the parents and spend some down time together.

you don't owe anyone a fucking explanation.

you are allowed to terminate toxic relationships

you are allowed to walk away from people who hurt you

you are allowed to be angry and selfish and unforgiving

you don’t owe anyone an explanation for taking care of yourself

Sex

When sex becomes a production or performance that is when it loses its value. Be mutual. Be loud. Be clumsy. Make noises, be quiet, and make a mess. Bite, scratch, push, pull, hold, thrust. Remove pressure from the moment. Love the moment. Embrace it. Enjoy your body; enjoy your partners’ body. Produce sweat, be natural, entice your senses, give into pleasure. Bump heads, miss when you kiss, laugh when it happens. Speak words, speak with your body, speak to their soul. Touch their skin, kiss their goose bumps, and play with their hair. Scream, beg, whimper, sigh, let your toes curl, lose yourself. Chase your breath; keep the lights on, watch their eyes when they explode. Forget worrying about extra skin, sizes of parts and things that are meaningless. Save the expectations, take each second as it comes. Smear your make up, mess up your hair, rid your masculinity, and lose your ego. Detonate together, collapse together, and melt into each other.

Types of Love

Types Of Love

Love, while wonderful, isn’t black and white, and it sure isn’t simple. There are lots of different types of love and we experience different types with the various people in our lives. Here are the types of love:

·        Romantic Love. This is often what people think of when they first think about love. Romantic love occurs between two people who are in a relationship and care deeply for each other. They are attracted to each other as friends, as well as physically and emotionally. Romantic love is the love we feel for our partners, and is often accompanied by things like butterflies in our stomach or thinking about them all the time.

·        Companionate Love. This is the kind of love we feel for our friends and we can also feel it with our partners as they grow into being our best friends. Companionate love is emotional and spiritual but lacks the physical aspect that romantic love has. With companionate love we care deeply about someone, love the way they contribute to our lives and want to see them happy. We are comfortable with them and have a routine of being together that bring happiness and comfort to both parties.

·        Unconditional Love. This is the type of love that we feel with our families, or in some cases, with very good friends. Unconditional love means that we will never stop loving someone, even if they hurt or disappoint us. When we love someone unconditionally there is no worry breaking up because the love is forever.

·        Physical Love. This is also known as lust, and describes the chemical/physical attraction that we can feel towards someone. Physical love may can be felt on it’s own or it may be combined with other types, such as romantic love. Physical love is an attraction to a person’s physical appearance, although a person’s personality can also play a role in our attraction to them as well. Physical love can often develop into more when we get to know the person better, which is often the case with new couples.

·        Toxic Love. Toxic love happens when we love someone who isn’t good for us. For example, if you are in a relationship with someone who is abusive or dangerous to you in some way, you may very well know that the relationship isn’t healthy but you love them regardless. It’s characterized by the feeling of an invisible force that draws you into the relationship even if it’s not good for you. Toxic love is often characterized by a feeling of desperation and a sense of urgency to be together, but not in the stable and healthy way that other types of love are. The reasons for being in a relationship that involves toxic love often have more to do with the individuals self esteem than the other person in the relationship.

·        Unrequited love. Unrequited love is the experience of loving someone who either doesn’t love you back, or doesn’t know how you feel. Unrequited love can be painful and you may feel “lovesick” for the other person. You may yearn for them and the longing can be difficult to endure. You may have to see them with another partner, which can make you feel particularly pained. Unrequited love can be changed if you eventually end up together, but it can also last for years if you continue to harbor feelings for someone without it ever materializing into a relationship.

What NOT To Say To A Friend In Crisis

What NOT To Say To A Friend In Crisis

It’s great to support a friend through a hard time. Being there for them, and helping them talk through it is a wonderful way to help them heal. But there are certain things that you should avoid saying if you want to keep from doing more harm than good:

·        “It could be a lot worse”. Of course any situation could always be a lot worse, but no one wants to hear this. Don’t downplay what they are going through by telling them that other people have it harder or that their situation isn’t all that bad. When you are upset about something it feels rotten, so just let them wallow and have their moment.

·        “There are plenty of other fish in the sea”. No one wants to hear this cliché after a breakup. Of course there are other people out there, but at the time they aren’t interested in thinking about it. Dating other people and the idea of getting back out there seems overwhelming, and it’s the last thing on their mind. They are also grieving the loss of their relationship, so give them time to do that before you start suggesting that they date other people.

·        “I know exactly how you feel”. Unless you’ve been through an identical situation, you don’t know how they feel, so don’t tell them that you do. If you can’t relate to what they’re going through just say something like, “I can only imagine how upset you must be”. Or, “I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better”. Don’t pretend that you have all the answers if you don’t.

·        “That reminds me of this thing that happened to me…”. This is not about you, so stop yourself before you launch into stories about yourself and your own experiences. Don’t turn the situation into a chance to talk about yourself. Instead, try listening to their feelings rather than doing so much talking.

·        “Hang in there”. You mean well when you say this but it’s annoying to hear when you’re going though a hard time. It sounds like you’re just trying to placate them and it doesn’t really mean anything, because they have no choice but to hang in there. Try saying something less patronizing and less generic, like, “I know you’ll get through this, and I’ll be there to help you however I can”.

·        “That happened to a friend of mine and she died/ended up alone forever/had a traumatic experience”. If something bad happens to someone, resist the urge to tell them horror stories about similar things happening to other people. If someone is sick, don’t tell them how your neighbor was hospitalized for months with the same thing only to die a slow and painful death. People feel the need to share gory details with people who are going through a hard time, and it’s unnecessary and only makes the other person feel worse. Try to be uplifting instead.

25 Napping Facts Every College Student Should Know

1. It makes you smarter
   According to Dr. Matthew Walker of the University of California, napping for as little as one hour resets your short-term memory and helps you learn facts more easily after you wake up.
2. Abandon all-nighters
   Foregoing sleep by cramming all night reduces your ability to retain information by up to 40%. If you can, mix in a nap somewhere to refresh your hippocampus.
3. It doesn’t mean what you think
   If you know you have to pull an all-nighter, try a “prophylactic nap." It’s a short nap in advance of expected sleep deprivation that will help you stay alert for up to 10 hours afterwards.
4. You can’t avoid that down period after lunch by not eating
   Human bodies naturally go through two phases of deep tiredness, one between 2-4 a.m. and between 1-3 p.m. Skipping lunch won’t help this period of diminished alertness and coordination.
5. Pick the right time
   After lunch in the early afternoon your body naturally gets tired. This is the best time to take a brief nap, as it’s early enough to not mess with your nighttime sleep.
6. Hour naps are great
   A 60-minute nap improves alertness for 10 hours, although with naps over 45 minutes you risk what’s known as “sleep inertia," that groggy feeling that may last for half an hour or more.
7. But short naps are best
   For healthy young adults, naps as short as 20, 10, or even 2 minutes can be all you need to get the mental benefits of sleep, without risking grogginess.
8. Drink coffee first
   The way this works is you drink a cup of coffee right before taking your 20-minute or half-hour nap, which is precisely how long caffeine takes to kick in. That way when you wake up, you’re not only refreshed, but ready to go.
9. The NASA nap
   A little group called NASA discovered that just a 26-minute nap increases performance by 34% and alertness by 54%. Pilots take advantage of NASA naps while planes are on autopilot.
10. Can’t sleep? Don’t stress
    Even if you can’t fall asleep for a nap, just laying down and resting has benefits. Studies have found resting results in lowered blood pressure, which even some college kids have to worry about if they are genetically predisposed to high blood pressure.
11. Napping may save your life
    A multi-year Greek study found napping at least three times per week for at least 30 minutes resulted in a 37% lower death rate due to heart problems.
12. More nap benefits for the brain
    Not only will napping improve your alertness, it will also help your decision-making, creativity, and sensory perception.
13. But wait, there’s more
    Studies have found napping raises your stamina 11%, increases ability to stay asleep all night by 12%, and lowers the time required to fall asleep by 14%.
14. The ultimate nap
    According to Dr. Sara Mednick, the best nap occurs when REM sleep is in proportion to slow-wave sleep. Use her patented Take A Nap Nap Wheel to calculate what time of day you can nap to the max.
15. Fight the Freshman 15
    Research shows that women who sleep five hours at night are 32% more likely to experience major weight gain than those sleeping seven hours. A two-hour nap isn’t feasible for many, but napping is a good way to make up for at least some lost night sleep.
16. If it was good enough for them…Presidents JFK and Bill Clinton used to nap every day to help ease the heavy burden of ruling the free world. Of course, they also had other relaxation methods, but we won’t get into those.
17. Do like the Romans doIn ancient Rome, everyone, including children, retreated for a 2 or 3-hour nap after lunch. No doubt this is the reason the Roman empire lasted over 1,000 years
18. Don’t wait too longThe latest you want to wake up from a nap is five hours before bedtime, otherwise you risk not being able to fall asleep at night.
19. Sugar is not a good substitute for a napWhen we are tired, we instinctively reach for foods with a high glycemic index, but after the initial energy wears off, we’re left more tired than we were before.
20. It’s a good way to catch upIf it takes you less than five minutes to fall asleep at night, you are sleep deprived. If you never can seem to get to bed earlier at night, a mid-day nap is a great way to catch up on sleep.
21. Underclassmen need more sleepFreshmen and sophomores who are still in your teens: you need up to 10 hours of sleep to feel rested. So odds are, you are sleep-deprived.
22. You’ll have to leave the party soonerAfter one school-week of not getting enough sleep, three alcoholic drinks will affect you the same way six would when you are fully rested.
23. Don’t drive drowsyDon’t be afraid to take advantage of an “emergency nap" on the side of the road in your car. Every year, as many as 100,000 traffic fatalities are caused by sleepy people behind the wheel.
24. The Einstein MethodIf you are concerned about sleeping too long, do what Albert Einstein regularly did: hold a pencil while you’re drifting off, so when you fall asleep, the pencil dropping will wake you up. (We do not guarantee you will wake up with a 180 IQ.)
25. Missing sleep is worse at your ageFor people ages 18 to 24, sleep deprivation impairs performance more significantly than in other age brackets.