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1. Hanging out with people who don’t appreciate you, or who suck all the energy out of your life.

2. Running from your problems and hiding from the truth

3. Acting as a door mat and putting yourself last.

4. Longing for the past and the way things used to be.

5. Beating yourself up for the stupid things you did

6. Looking to others to make you feel happy, or believing that “stuff” will bring you happiness.

7. Rejecting new relationships because you were hurt or disappointed in the past.

8. Being jealous of other people. It’s not a competition – sets some goals, and go for them.

9. Holding grudges. Forgive, let go – and then move on with your life.

10. Trying to be perfect. It’s not realistic so don’t waste your time.

How to rebuild trust in your relationship.

If the trust has been broken in your relationship, trying to rebuild it can seem really daunting. Here’s how to do it:

·        Start small. Don’t expect that the level of trust that you once had will be rebuilt instantly. It takes time so start small and don’t expect too much from each other right away.

·        Forgive. If they were the ones who broke the trust, you need to forgive them. Even if you’re still angry or hurt, you need to work towards forgiving them if you ever hope to rebuild the trust. You’ll never be able to move forward if you’re holding onto the issue.

·        Apologize. If you were the one in the wrong and who broke the trust then you need to apologize, and make sure that your partner sees that you really mean it. Show them how truly sorry you are and how hard it is for you that the trust has been broken. If they can see how important rebuilding the trust is to you they will be more willing to try.

·        Don’t expect overnight change. The trust that you once had wasn’t created overnight, so don’t expect to get back there right away either. It’s going to take patience and time to get back to where you were.

·        Keep things light. When rebuilding trust in your relationship try to focus on low-pressure situations where you can just have fun together with few expectations. Don’t get into a lot of heavy talks or situations where there’s a lot on the line. Just keep it light and it’ll be easy to fall back into your old routines of relaxing and trusting each other.

·        Recreate the positives. Recreate a fun date that you once had or some good times you had when your trust and relationship were strong. The emotions connected to the memories will help remind you both of what you once had and will encourage you to get back there.

·        Do a project together. A great way to rebuild trust is to work on a project or a joint goal together. You’ll need to rely on each other and work together. You’ll feel great when you achieve your goal or complete your project and it will remind you of the great things that can happen when you lean on each other.

Managing Depression

Depression is a recognised clinical condition. You can’t just “try and pull yourself together” … or “snap out of it” … or “get over it”. However, there are a few things that may help improve your mood so it may be worth giving them a try. For example,

 1. We know that exercise changes brain chemistry and acts a natural antidepressant - so why not go for a walk or a run.

 2. Hanging out with people who accept and love us is often a comfort when we’re feeling depressed. But make sure it’s someone who’s generally upbeat as a critical person will make you feel worse!

3. Make yourself do something you used to enjoy as often this can stir buried pleasant feelings. It shifts your focus from pain and emptiness to something that may give you a sense of joy (even it’s muted or relatively mild).

4. Make sure you go outside, and your surroundings are well lit, as this helps to lessen our feelings of depression (especially if you suffer from SAD).

5. Take a bath or shower, and put on some clean clothes. Surprisingly, this often can improve our mood.             

6. Tidy up or clean – even if it’s just one corner – as that can bring a sense of accomplishment.

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

If you aren’t feeling fully satisfied in your relationship there’s a lot you can do to ensure that you’re getting what you want and need from your partner. This doesn’t include dropping hints and playing games, but taking a more open and honest approach. Here’s how to get what you really want from your relationship:

·        Ask straight up. Your partner is not a mind reader; so don’t expect them to just know what you want from them. If you want more affection or better communication, just tell them straight up without making them guess.

·        Give examples. Don’t just say that you want them to be more romantic, but give examples of what that means to you. They’ll have a better idea of what specifically you want and they’ll know right away what they need to do.

·        Demonstrate. If you want them to do something like communicate with you more throughout the day, then lead by example and do the same yourself.

·        Tell them how it makes you feel. If you tell them how it makes you feel to not be getting what you want, it will show them the reasons why they need to make the effort. They may not be talking about their feelings more or whatever it may be, because they don’t know how important it is. If they know that you feel sad or hurt, they’ll be more likely to make changes, because they don’t want you to feel that way.

·        Show gratitude. When they do start making changes and giving you what you’ve asked for, make sure to show your appreciation. Let them know that you appreciate that they are making an effort.

·        Give them something. Treat this like a trade. If they do something that you want, you should reciprocate by doing something that they want. If they start talking about their feelings more, you could show more affection, or do something that’s important to them.

·        Reinforce. Confirm that they are doing the right things by giving them positive reinforcement. Tell them how much it means to you that they are making an effort to make you happy. They won’t keep up any changes if you don’t show positive reinforcement that they’re getting it right

·        Use an ultimatum as a last resort. Only if you are feeling really dissatisfied in your relationship and have tried communicating your needs in the ways listed above, should you use an ultimatum. Tell them that if they can’t or won’t give you what you need in the relationship then you’ll be forced to leave. This is a powerful move, and you have to be prepared to actually follow through with it if you want them to take you seriously, so make sure that you use it only as a last resort, not as a starting point.

When Your Partner’s Quirks Get On Your Nerves

Everyone has idiosyncrasies that make us who we are. But sometimes the little quirks that our partner has can really start to get on our nerves. Here’s how to deal with it before it takes over and ruins your relationship:

·        Remember that you have quirks too. If your partner’s quirks start to drive you crazy, remember that you aren’t perfect either. Everyone has imperfections and that’s what makes us interesting. So instead of focusing all your attention on the things they do that bug you, remember that you probably do things that bug them too. This will humble you and take some of the focus off of them. You’ll start to give them a break if you remember that you’re not perfect either.

·        Focus on their positives. Remember why you like them in the first place and focus more on those things than the things that annoy you. After you’ve been in a relationship for a while it’s easy to lose sight of the little things they do that you found to be charming. Instead we focus on the stuff that gets on our nerves. So turn the tables and make a mental list of all the stuff you love about them and focus on those positives instead.

·        Ask them to stop. If it’s something that’s easily fixed, like they always interrupt you, then gently ask them to stop doing it. They probably don’t even realize that they’re doing it or that it bothers you. If you’re nice about it and point it out to them, they may be able to stop the behavior and your problem will be solved.

·        Take a break. If their quirks are getting more and more on your nerves, sometimes it’s best to just take some time apart. Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to overlook something, it can still drive us crazy. This often happens when we’re spending too much time with one person. Take a bit of time to do something else or to see your other friends. You need a break to stop dwelling on their quirks and to start looking forward to seeing them.

·        Look at the big picture. Remember that these are little faults, not major deal breakers in the relationship. If your partner chews with their mouth open or says “like” too much, remind yourself that these are not important factors in the big picture of the relationship.

·        Embrace their flaws. Instead of dwelling on how annoying they are, look at their quirks in a different light. If you can embrace them, you’ll realize that you don’t need to be perfect either. Try just letting it go and accepting the fact that they aren’t perfect.

·        Don’t snap. Don’t let yourself get so annoyed and worked up over their quirks that you snap. It’s not fair to them for you to get mad at them for something small without you talking about it calmly first. If the first time you mention it to them is when you’re blowing a fuse about it, they’ll be hurt and you’ll end up feeling like a jerk.

·        Don’t go overboard in criticism. If you do decide to talk to them about changing some of their quirks, do it one at a time. Don’t bag on them for everything that bugs you all at once. They’ll feel ganged up on and like you don’t have anything positive to say about them. Pick one thing at a time rather than coming at them with a huge list of all the things that bother you.