We Expect the Love We Think We Deserve

it means that some people think they are that worthless that they will settle for abusive love. they attract the people that treat them how they think they deserve to be treated. others may have their sense of self-worth so won’t settle for anything below what they deserve. how you view yourself is how you’re going to be treated is what it’s saying. so, if you think you deserve more for yourself, that’s what you’re going to get, but if you don’t think you’re a good person, you will settle for much less than you really do deserve. don’t depreciate yourself, because one day you’re going to find someone who will give you everything you deserve and more.

How To Get Closure

How To Get Closure

We all hear that you need to get closure on a relationship before you can truly move on – but how do we go about getting it? There is no magic formula for closure. It’s basically anything you need to have happen in order to feel like the relationship is really over. Without closure the relationship essentially still feels like an open case of unresolved feelings and issues and we need to find a way to shut the book to move on. Here’s some ways to help get closure:

·        Wait. It’s unlikely that you’ll break up Monday, get closure Tuesday and be over it on Wednesday. Closure really comes after a certain amount of time has passed and you are able to gain some perspective on the relationship that you weren’t able to when you were in it or freshly broken up. You might see your ex in a different light, or realize something about yourself that you didn’t know. So be patient and don’t expect it to happen overnight. Breakups take time to heal, above anything.

·        Vent. Find some good friends to give you a shoulder to cry on and let it all out. Or write it in your journal. Either way, start talking to get out whatever feelings you have bottled up. You won’t be able to release your ex from your life if your feelings are still inside of you. As you vent, you might work through the relationship enough to be able to move on, or you might come to some realizations that you’re better off without them.

·        Talk. After letting some time and space pass after your breakup, it might be a good idea to sit down and talk with your ex. If you can’t do this peacefully then you might want to skip this step, but if possible, find a time to talk alone. You can both get out all of the things that you’ve been thinking and this is your chance to get a final word in about something. Don’t do it with the intention of changing their mind or getting them to suddenly see things your way, because that may not happen and you won’t feel the satisfaction you’re looking for. Instead, do it with the intention of getting out any last things you want to say to them. You’re not re-opening old arguments, but rather you’re making closing statements. After talking it’s likely that you’ll feel much better for getting out all of the things you weren’t able to say before.

·        Whatever it takes. Only you truly know your relationship and yourself and what it will take to get over the relationship. If there’s something that you feel you need to do, then go and do it. Maybe you need to do something creative, or maybe you need to take a road trip to create some space and clear your head. Whatever it is, if you have a desire to pursue something positive instead of sitting around and wallowing, then get out and do it. Doing something positive and healthy to release emotions will help you move on quicker and will propel you into the next phase of your life. Plus you’ll feel like you’re being proactive instead of just sitting around and waiting to feel better.

Ten Things To Do When You Feel Like Crap:

1. Have a really hot, long shower. Cry if you need to. Sit on the ground. Feel sorry for yourself. Let the steam soak into your skin. Let the hot water wash your face clean. But the moment you turn off that water, you are done feeling sorry for yourself. Make a decision to move on from that sadness.

2. Clean. I know, cleaning is boring and annoying - but how about that feeling you get when you are finished? The smell of the vacuum. That feeling of accomplishment? Who knows, you might even find money along the way. Totally worth it. It’s like starting with a clean slate.

3. Call a friend you haven’t spoken to for a while. If your first choice doesn’t pick up, choose someone else. Ask them all about how their lives are going and tell them about yours. Not only will it take your mind off whatever crappy thing you have been plagued by, but you will laugh with them! Laughing triggers endorphins and endorphins make you happy!

4. Go for a run or a walk. This get’s your endorphins and dopamine going crazy. You will get more energy and more happiness just because the chemicals in your body are running around!

5. Stop and take it all in. Walking in the night? Stop and look at the stars. Breathe in the cold air. Feel alive. 

6. Stop whining. Ever heard the saying “love life and life will love you back”? Or, the idea of the power of attraction? It’s true! If you sit around saying “why me, waaaaa waaaa” then bad things will happen to you. You’re already defeated. If you start saying, “I will be happy, I will accomplish my ambitions, I will find love, I do look amazing, I am a great friend” etc., then not only will you start to believe them but you will be amazed at what amazing things start to happen.

7. Drink tea. This always works. Not a tea fan? Try hot water with a slice of lemon and some agave syrup. 

8. Make a conscious decision to stop holding certain grudges. We all have people we have held grudges on in the past. Let them go. If you feel like you owe this person an apology, don’t be too proud. Send them a sincere facebook apology. Sincerity is in the intent, so even if it’s a 2 sentence apology - as long as you mean it it’s worth it. 

9. Cook some really nice, warm food. Stimulate your taste buds with anything as simple as two minute noodles or as lavish as a three course garlic bread, pasta bake, chocolate mousse triple combo. 

10. Write down a list of goals to achieve for the week. As simple as “buy insect repellent” or as large as “jog for 25 minutes non stop” and tick them off when they’re done. You will feel very accomplished and that alone will help pep up your mood!

Can’t believe this post is still circulating at such speed.

How To Maintain A Friendship Through Change

How To Maintain A Friendship Through Change

We’ve all been there, where we drift away from a close friend when one of us goes through a change in life. It might be a move to a new city, changing jobs or schools, or any other major life change that can push us apart. It’s natural for friendships to ebb and flow based on life changes, but if you have a friendship that’s particularly important and you want to maintain, here are some ways to keep close during a change:

·        Stay in touch. Communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship. There are so many ways to stay in touch, from the phone to instant messaging to texting. Pick whatever mediums work best for you and your friend and make a real effort to keep in touch. Staying in communication is the best way to maintain your friendships.

·        Have reasonable expectations. While you’re trying to stay in touch and communicate, make sure you are realistic in what you expect of each other. Don’t vow to talk every day and visit every weekend – it will be too difficult to keep up as you each try to build new lives without each other. If your expectations are too high you’ll only get disappointed when you can’t keep them up.

·        Set a regular date. Even as you are both focusing on moving on and adjusting to the change, you can set a regular time and place to hang out, have a Skype date, or visit each other. Maybe you have brunch every Sunday, or Skype every Tuesday while you watch your favorite show together. Whatever it is, keeping a regular date will make sure that you stay a part of each others lives, even if you don’t see each other outside of that time.

·        Cut each other some slack. If your friend doesn’t email you back right away or doesn’t respond to your texts for a few days, cut them some slack. You’re both bound to get busy with your own lives and it’s not realistic to expect to be each other’s top priorities all of the time. Know that you love each other and that you’ll talk again soon.

·        Focus on other things in your life. Make sure you each still have lots of your own things going on so you’re not sitting around dwelling on the fact that you aren’t living in the same city anymore, or seeing each other all the time. Keep busy with other stuff and you’ll have more to talk about when you do see each other.

·        Don’t force it. Keep in mind that friendships come and go in life and sometimes you might be close for a while, drift apart, and perhaps even become close again. That’s the natural rhythm of friendships and life. Do your best to stay in touch but don’t force it if one of you is moving on. Just wish them the best and be open to the possibility of being close again one day.

Reasons To Be Happy:

Reasons To Be Happy:

1. Dead trees still stand and so can you.
2. You have five fingers on each hand. One day those fingers will travel from your lap to someone else’s and that person will know all the bad stuff and still want to kiss you. 
3. Seasons are guaranteed when nothing else seems to be.

Bonding With Your Friends

Bonding With Your Friends

There’s tons of advice out there on great ways to keep our romantic relationships fresh or new ways to please our partners, but we hear very little about ways to nurture our friendships. It’s important not to let our friendships get stagnant and complacent or we can start to take them for granted. Here are some great ways to shake things up with your friends and get some summer great bonding time in:

·        Camping. This is an awesome way to spend time with your friends. It involves planning the trip, preparing, driving out to the campsite together, setting up the tent, and so many other bonding activities all rolled into one. Camping is an experience that is fun and relaxing but has elements of work and a sense of accomplishment built in too. You’ll have a great time with your friends and make so many new memories together. It’s great to get away from your usual surroundings and enjoy the natural scenery together without the distractions of your daily lives.

·        Physical challenge. Whether it’s training for a race together, doing a hike, a triathlon or anything physical, it’s bound to be a great bonding experience. Working towards something physical is a great way to help motivate each other and feel a great sense of achievement when you complete it. Rewarding yourselves afterwards is also part of the fun.

·        Road trip. It doesn’t even matter where you go, just pile into a car and hit the road. Getting out on the open road makes way for great conversation, singing in the car and trying to navigate where you’re going. You’ll see new places, and getting out of town and away from distractions is a great way to get closer with your friends.

·        Technology free beach day. Going to the beach is fun, but sometimes everyone ends up texting and facebooking photos the whole time instead of talking. Declare your next day at the beach to be technology free. Instead, spend your time lying in the sun and talking, working on a crossword puzzle together or playing a game together. You’ll be amazed at how much more you talk and learn about each other when you aren’t staring at your phone the whole time.

·        Volunteer. Pick a cause that you all believe in and go and volunteer for an afternoon. Maybe it’s at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, kids camp, or SPCA. Whatever it is, you’ll feel great about helping others and it gives you some variety from just sitting around or hanging out at the mall. You might like it so much that you and your friends will make it a regular occurrence.

Adventure Dates

Adventure Dates

Summer is the perfect time to ditch dinner and a movie and do something wild and crazy on a date. The weather is hot and there’s a feeling of spontaneity that comes with summer, so take advantage and try one, or all, of these adventurous date ideas:

·        Hiking.  Strap on a pack and set out on a hike. Choose a trail that’s appropriate for your level of expertise and take your partner out for a day of fun. Hiking is a fun way to do something adventurous and gives us a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that feels great when we reach the top. There can also be a playful, competitive spirit at play as you hike, which can make the date even more fun.

·        White water rafting. Find a guide, or a group to go with, and take your partner out to ride the rapids. The freezing cold, rushing water will keep your heart and adrenaline pumping, and will give you a fun, physical challenge as well.

·        Bungee jumping. This isn’t for the faint of heart, but if you’re looking for something truly adventurous, then this is the date for you. You will bond with your partner over the fear and thrill of doing something so crazy together.

·        Zip lining. Flying through the air on a zip line will give you and your date an experience that you’ll never forget. The freedom of feeling weightless will give you a great rush, and conquering your fears together will bring you even closer together.

·        Sky diving. This is the ultimate in adventure dates. You’ll have an experience that neither of you will ever forget, and it will give you something to talk about long after it’s over. Plus you need to attend training courses together before you do it, and the act of working towards something together will be fun and rewarding.

·        Babysitting. In all seriousness, this can be a major adventure, especially if you’re not used to hanging out with kids. Offer to babysit a relative’s kids for an afternoon and hang on for a wild ride. Kids are totally unpredictable and all over the map, so get ready for a day of fun, frustration, exhaustion and mayhem. You’ll both be beat afterwards and will be happy to give the kids back to the parents and spend some down time together.