When Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend Is Friends With Your Best Friend

If you’re dating someone who is friends with your best friend it can be both a good and bad thing. It’s great that you all get along and can hang out, but it can be hard to navigate while respecting everyone’s boundaries. Follow these tips for keeping everyone happy and staying sane: 

Keep boundaries. It’s great that you’re all close to each other, but keep your relationship with your partner separate from your friendship with your friend. You can all hang out together but make sure to keep some distinction between your relationships with each of them.

·        Have time together and alone with each of them. Make sure to have both group hangout time all together and alone time with both your partner and your friend. Just because you all know and love each other it doesn’t mean that you need to all be together all the time. It helps keep boundaries between each relationship if you spend alone time with each person.

·        Use their connection for the positive. It’s a great resource that your best friend is friends with your partner. Use their knowledge in a positive way by finding out more about them and what they like.

·        Try not to get jealous of your bond. If they’ve been friends for a long time it can be hard not to feel left out sometimes, but try to rise above it. Getting jealous of their friendship is a natural feeling but it’s only going to make you feel bad. Try to focus on the positive fact that they are friends.

·        Don’t try to keep them from hanging out. Just because you’re dating him/her now it doesn’t mean that they have to stop hanging out together. Trying to keep them apart will strain your relationship with both of them.

·        Accept that it might sometimes get weird. Be realistic and accept that the three of you are navigating a great, but sometimes complicated set of relationships. There’s bound to be a bit of awkwardness, jealousy, etc. and that’s only natural. Accept that everyone will need time to adjust.

·        Don’t drag them into the middle of your fights. This applies to problems you have with your boyfriend/girlfriend as well as any arguments you have with your best friend. Don’t try to get the other one in the middle or to take sides. It’s going to be awkward for everyone. Find someone else to vent to.

·        Don’t weird your friend out with intimate details. Try to keep the private details of your relationship with your partner separate from your friend. They don’t want to know intimate details about their friend just because you’ve started dating them. It’s sure to make everyone feel weird

10 Tips For Dating Your Opposite

Are you an introvert dating an extrovert? Or an extrovert with a shy and quiet boyfriend/girlfriend? Dating someone with an opposite personality can be smooth sailing with these 10 tips:

1.    Understand them. Identify and understand what personality type they are in relation to yours. When you can understand them and what your differences are you will be more sympathetic and be able to relate to their needs better.

2.    Don’t hide your true self. If you are outgoing and the life of the party, don’t try to tone it down or hide that from your quiet partner. They should like you for you and neither of you should have to pretend to be something that you aren’t in order to be together.

3.    Learn from each other. One of the great things about dating someone different than you is that you can learn from them. Maybe you’ll learn how to be more outgoing or you could learn to appreciate the value of being quiet and listening.

4.    Keep your own life going. If you’re an introvert who loves to have lots of quiet downtime by yourself, don’t stop doing that just because you’re dating someone who is a social butterfly. You won’t be able to sustain a lifestyle where you aren’t being true to yourself.

5.    Don’t coddle them. If your partner is really shy and quiet don’t feel like you have to babysit them at parties and make sure they are having fun. Even if it’s outside of their comfort zone they should be able to have fun and hold their own.

6.    Don’t do stuff that you aren’t comfortable doing. While it’s great to try new things and learn from each other, don’t feel pressured to do anything that you really aren’t comfortable with. Never put yourself in situations where your intuition tells you that you shouldn’t be just to please your partner.

7.    Be yourself. Don’t put on an act and pretend to be an extrovert if you’re just not. Be yourself and they will appreciate you for who you really are. Putting on an act will get old fast and they’ll probably see through it anyway.

8.    Don’t try to change them. You can change habits, but you can’t change someone’s personality. Don’t force them or try to make them into someone they aren’t, just for the sake of trying to be the same.

9.    Give each other freedom. If your introverted partner likes to have quiet time alone, give them the space to do so. If your extroverted partner needs lots of time in big groups of people, let them go and do that. You’ll both be better people for being able to do your own thing.

10. Alternate your activities. Take turns choosing activities and dates that appeal to each of your personalities. Alternate between parties out with big groups of friends and quiet movie nights in. You’ll have a balance between your personalities and neither one of you will feel like you’re always outside of your comfort zone.

How To Let Someone Down Gently

When someone asks you out and you’re just not interested, it’s hard to say no in a way that doesn’t leave him or her feeling rejected and you feeling guilty. Here are the Dos and Don’ts for letting someone down gently:

Do

·        Keep it simple. Say no, offer one simple reason and leave it at that. Don’t go on and on about why you just don’t want to be in a relationship right now, or make excuses about how busy you are. You’re saying no, they get it, just leave it at that.

·        Compliment them. Say something like “You’re such a great friend” or “that’s such a cool date idea, but…”. Offering up a compliment before you say no can help to soften the blow.

·        Thank them. It took them a lot of courage to ask you, so make sure that doesn’t go unappreciated. Say something like “Thanks a lot for asking me”. Show them that you’re flattered and impressed by their courage even if you don’t want to go out with them.

·        Be honest. Don’t make up a story about already having a boyfriend or girlfriend or having other plans if you don’t. They might find out the truth and will feel even worse than if you were just honest in the first place.

·        Let them escape. You just rejected them, so don’t try to launch into a long conversation about something else after you’ve said no. Let the conversation end so they can leave and go and lick their wounds in private.

Don’t

·        Prolong it. Don’t tell them you have to think it over if you know that your answer will be “no’. Prolonging giving them an answer will only give them false hope, so just deal with it right away.

·        Have rude body language. Don’t be checking your phone while talking to them or snickering or rolling your eyes. They’ve shown a lot of courage by asking you out so have the courtesy to show good manners with your body language.

·        Pity them. They don’t want you to feel sorry for them. Even if you do, don’t show it.

·        Patronize them. They can deal with how they feel after you say no; they don’t need you to try to make them feel better about it. Don’t say things like “I’m sure you’ll find someone”. Just let them be.

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence, or EQ, is the ability to identify and manage your emotions in a positive way – and to effectively handle the emotions of others in your life. It consists of four key abilities:

1. The ability to be self-aware– This is being able to identify, understand and handle both your positive and negative emotions. It includes being aware of your “buttons” or your triggers, and knowing when you need to step back and regroup.

2. The ability to manage powerful feelings and reactions – This is being able to control impulsive feelings so you respond in a healthy, constructive ways. Also, being able to adapt to unexpected demands, or to changes to your plans at the drop of a hat.

3. Being socially aware – Having the ability to read and understand the needs, concerns and emotions of others. This includes being sensitive to body language, and picking up on social rules. (This applies to group dynamics and cultural norms, as well.)

4.Being able to relate effectively to others – Being able to build and maintain relationships, to communicate clearly and effectively, to work with other people as part of a team, and being able to apply conflict resolution skills.

 In summary, EQ is related to acquiring skills in the following areas:

Skill 1: Being able to quickly reduce our personal stress.

Skill 2: Being aware of, and in tune with our feelings at all times – so we remain their master, and can choose how we will be.

Skill 3: Being able to connect with the people in our lives through the use of body language, or nonverbal messages.

Skill 4: Being able to use humor to dissipate emotions and deal with the problems and the challenges we face.

Skill 5: Being skilled in problem solving and conflict resolution.

How To Make Up

Fighting is part of any relationship. Its not always fun, but making up afterward can be. Here are 10 tips for making up:

1.    Apologize if you need to. If you were the one that was in the wrong, apologize to your partner. Seems pretty obvious but lots of people hope that the fight will just blow over without apologizing. Just come out and say it.

2.    Don’t make excuses. Simply apologize and say that you were in the wrong. Don’t go on and on trying to justify why you acted the way you did or you’ll re-open the conversation. You’re trying to put an end to it and move on.

3.    Accept their apology. If they were at fault and apologize to you, simply accept it and forgive the. Don’t re-hash all the reasons why they were wrong – they obviously get it if they’re apologizing.

4.    Put it behind you. Don’t say that you’ve forgiven them but continue to sulk for the rest of the night. Let it be done with and move on.

5.    Change your bad behaviors. If you apologized for not listening to them enough, then make sure to stop checking your phone when they’re talking. Or whatever you resolved to do differently – make sure you actually follow through and do it.

6.    Pay attention to body language. If you’ve forgiven them then show it with your whole body. Don’t turn away from them with your arms crossed – that’s just sending them a message that the argument isn’t really over.

7.    Be nice. After a big argument it’s important to show your partner a little TLC. Apologizing and agreeing to make up is great but don’t just say it – show them that you’re over it and that you’re happy to make up.

8.    Let them be nice to you. If they’re trying to shape up after being a jerk by showering you with nice gestures and compliments, just let them. Be gracious and accept their affection.

9.    Do something fun. Arguing, apologizing and making up can be serious business sometimes, so when it’s all over make sure to get out and do something fun together. It will be a welcome change and a good distraction from whatever you were fighting about to begin with.

10. Laugh about it. Maybe you won’t be able to do this right away, but try to find a way to lighten up the situation by finding some humor and having a laugh together.

How to Deal With People Who Won’t Let Go Of The Past

We all know those annoying people who can’t seem to let go of our past mistakes. They seem to take great joy in bringing up flaws. For us, it’s embarrassing and frustrating that they won’t let us move on. Here’s how to deal:

·        You need to make peace with the past. If you are at peace with your past and can let it go, then it won’t matter if they keep bringing it up. It won’t bother you if you’ve accepted your flaws. It’s when you’re still sensitive about it that it bothers you. So accept the fact that you’re human, you aren’t perfect and that the past is in the past and it won’t matter what anyone else has to say about it.

·        Focus on your strengths. Show some self-confidence and focus on all of your achievements and strengths when they start reminiscing about your flaws. Counter their negative comments with positive thoughts.

·        Focus on the future. Just because they’re stuck in the past it doesn’t mean that you need to be. Set your sights on future goals and projects and leave them to rehash the past alone.

·        Don’t stoop to their level. They may get a kick out of trying to bring you down by reminding you of your personality flaws and past mistakes, but don’t be tempted to do the same to them. Take the high road and you’ll always feel good about it.

·        Understand where they are coming from. Think about why they feel the need to focus on you and your past mistakes. It’s likely that they are insecure and have low self-esteem and their way of dealing with their own issues is to focus on yours. So even though it’s annoying, their obsession with your past probably has very little to do with you.

·        Confront them. In an open-minded and calm manner, have a conversation with them and ask them straight out about it. Tell them that you’ve noticed that they always bring up your flaws and mistakes and let them know that it bothers you. Tell them that you’d rather focus on the future and ask that they do the same.

·        Give yourself a break. You are human after all, so it’s only natural that you have some imperfections in your life, just like everyone else. Next time they bring it up, remind yourself that they could be talking about anyone. None of us have a perfect track record, including them.

·        Use it to grow. Use their example to inspire yourself to be a better person and to learn from your flaws and mistakes. Turn their negative behavior into something positive.

Rules For Talking About Past Relationships

There comes a point in every relationship where you talk to each other about your past relationships. Here are the Dos and Don’ts for doing it right:

Do

·        Summarize. Give them the general scope of your past relationships. How long you were together, why you broke up, etc. There’s no need to tell them anymore than the highlights.

·        Outline the main issues. Give them the big picture of what your issues or problems were in your past relationships without going into the details of every little thing that went wrong.

·        Try to keep the conversation positive. Don’t turn it into a conversation where you call your ex nasty names and start trashing them. Your anger will put your new partner off and might scare them away.

·        Ask about their past. Don’t just go on and on about your past without asking about theirs.

·        Show that you’ve moved on. Finish the conversation by saying that you’re glad that the relationship is over so that you can move on to better things. Make sure you emphasize that you’re happy that it’s over so they don’t wonder how you’re feeling about it now.

Don’t

·        Get into the details. Focus on the main issues and highlights rather than getting into the gory details of every fight you had with your ex.

·        Reminisce too fondly. While you don’t want to trash them you don’t want to speak too highly of your ex or your past relationships or your current partner might wonder if you’re really over it.

·        Make comparisons. Avoid making comparisons between your ex and your new boyfriend/girlfriend. They are different people and you don’t want to make them insecure by starting to compare them against each other.

·        Talk about your ex all the time. Have the talk about your past relationships once and then move on. If you’re always bringing up your ex it will drive your new partner crazy and make them wonder if you still want to be in your past relationships.