How To Let Someone Down Gently

When someone asks you out and you’re just not interested, it’s hard to say no in a way that doesn’t leave him or her feeling rejected and you feeling guilty. Here are the Dos and Don’ts for letting someone down gently:

Do

·        Keep it simple. Say no, offer one simple reason and leave it at that. Don’t go on and on about why you just don’t want to be in a relationship right now, or make excuses about how busy you are. You’re saying no, they get it, just leave it at that.

·        Compliment them. Say something like “You’re such a great friend” or “that’s such a cool date idea, but…”. Offering up a compliment before you say no can help to soften the blow.

·        Thank them. It took them a lot of courage to ask you, so make sure that doesn’t go unappreciated. Say something like “Thanks a lot for asking me”. Show them that you’re flattered and impressed by their courage even if you don’t want to go out with them.

·        Be honest. Don’t make up a story about already having a boyfriend or girlfriend or having other plans if you don’t. They might find out the truth and will feel even worse than if you were just honest in the first place.

·        Let them escape. You just rejected them, so don’t try to launch into a long conversation about something else after you’ve said no. Let the conversation end so they can leave and go and lick their wounds in private.

Don’t

·        Prolong it. Don’t tell them you have to think it over if you know that your answer will be “no’. Prolonging giving them an answer will only give them false hope, so just deal with it right away.

·        Have rude body language. Don’t be checking your phone while talking to them or snickering or rolling your eyes. They’ve shown a lot of courage by asking you out so have the courtesy to show good manners with your body language.

·        Pity them. They don’t want you to feel sorry for them. Even if you do, don’t show it.

·        Patronize them. They can deal with how they feel after you say no; they don’t need you to try to make them feel better about it. Don’t say things like “I’m sure you’ll find someone”. Just let them be.