This one time I painted a living room with a girl.

This was a handful of years back. It was about eight months before the huge, flame-out of a breakup. That day, though? That day we painted the living room? It was pretty uneventful. We painted my parents living room for $50 between us and a pizza. That was it. I think we watched Anchorman or something after that.

"But it still holds as on of the most indelible memories I have. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not still in love, it happened, it was good, it ended, and we’ve both moved on. But I’ll never forget that day. Because it’s never, in the long run, about the grand gestures. You can fly across the world and show up on her doorstep with a rose in your teeth and a ring in a little velvet box but I can guarantee you that - more often than not - she’s going to remember the time you built the birdhouse in the back yard, or what have you, a whole lot more.

Life wasn’t meant to be taken in large movements. The next day will inevitably arrive, you’ll sleep, and the moment will have passed. But when you have a hundred thousand small moments, you can step back and appreciate the picture a lot more than metaphorically blowing your load on some grand moment that, in all honesty, look, you’re not Bruce Fucking Springsteen, you’re not going to be able to blow everyone’s mind every single night. You’re not Romeo and/or Juliet. There’s no reason to drink the poison together in some flame-out gesture. So that leaves us with the small stuff. It’s all about the detail.

That’s what love is. Attention to detail.

And the moment will end. And then things will get boring. And it might get a little quiet. And it might all end horribly. And you might hate eachother at the end. And you might walk away from eachother one day and never speak again. But that’s just how it goes.

But she’ll remember the time you held the door open for her on your first date.
She’ll remember the time you laughed at her impression of the landlady.
She’ll remember the time you stayed up all night that first time. 
She’ll remember the small things a lot longer than the big ones.

But everything ends. And I’ll tell you why you have to make the small things, the small moments count so much more:

One day, probably a while longer from now, when old age takes ahold of someone, she might just only remember your smile. Everything you ever did together, every second, every moment, every beat, every morning spent in bed, every evening spent together on the sofa, all of that - gone. Everything you ever did will be reduced to the head of a pin. She won’t remember your name. She’ll just remember your smile, and she’ll smile. She won’t know why. It’s a base, gut reaction. But she’ll smile, uncontrollably, and it will come from somewhere so deep as to know that you touched her on a primal, honest, and true level that no scientist, scholar, or savant could ever begin to explain. There is no more. There is nothing else. There is just this: She’ll remember your smile, and she’ll smile."

"My heart didn’t break into a thousand pieces after he left. Instead, I realized all the things he didn’t do. He didn’t want to hear my stories. He didn’t ask me questions. He didn’t smile when I was talking to him. He didn’t hug me out of the blue to make me feel good. His hugs were always a preamble to something else, and after he was gone, I wondered if he ever knew me at all."

—	Diane Les Becquets

10 Signs You’re Ready to Date Again

After a rough breakup you might feel like you never want to date again. But eventually, you will get over it and find yourself starting to think about dating again. Here are the signs that you’re ready:

1.    You don’t think about your ex all the time. When you first break up, your ex is always on your mind. But, as time passes you go longer and longer without thinking about them. You’re ready to date again when you aren’t constantly thinking about them and can go more than a day without thinking about them and wondering what they’re doing.

2.    You can picture a future without your ex. If you can start to see your future and it doesn’t involve your ex, you’re ready to start dating again. You may not know who your future partner will be, but you’re not ready to start dating if you can only think of your ex.

3.    You aren’t doing it to make them jealous. You aren’t ready to date if you’re using it as a way of playing games to make your ex jealous. If you’re doing it for yourself, and for other positive reasons, then you’re ready.

4.    You’re wondering who else is out there. If you’re starting to think about whom else might be out there for you, you’re ready to start dating again. If you can get your ex out of your mind and start to get excited about the idea of meeting other people, it’s a great sign that you’re ready for a new relationship.

5.    You’re ready to have fun. Dating new people is really fun. If you’re ready to stop being alone and to stop moping about your ex, and are excited to get out and start having fun again, it’s a sign that you’re ready to move on.

6.    You’re ready for the excitement of a new relationship. Being in a new relationship is fun and exhilarating. If you’re excited about experiencing the thrill of a new relationship again, you’re ready to get out there and start dating again.

7.    You’re doing it for the right reasons. If you want to start dating because you want to find the right person for you, you want to have fun, and you want to meet someone new, then you’re ready to date again. If you’re doing it for revenge or to get back at your ex or just because you’re lonely, then those aren’t the right reasons.

8.    You’re happy being alone. If you’re ok being single and are happy on your own, then you’re ready to start dating again. You need to be confident enough on your own in order to be ready for a new relationship.

9.    You’re emotionally available. You’re ready to start dating again if you’re over your past relationship and are ready to get emotionally involved again. If you’re too fragile or hurt by your ex to give your heart to a new partner, you aren’t ready.

10. You’re not trying to get back together. If you’re not secretly holding onto hope of getting back together with your ex, then you’re ready to date again. If you’re holding out for them to come back into your life, you’re not ready for someone new.

Pros & Cons Of Staying Friends After You Break Up

Is it better to remain friends after you break up or to go your separate ways? It’s hard to say which is best for each couple, but here are the pros and cons to consider:

Pros

·        You’ll have something to show for your time together. After all the time and energy you spent on your relationship when you were together, it’s nice to have a great friendship to show for it after you break up. You’ve already put the time and effort in so it’s great to continue to enjoy the benefits even if you aren’t together as a couple.

·        You know each other really well. After being a couple you know each other inside and out so it’s an easy transition into being friends. Because you know them so well you’ll be able to a great friend to them and visa versa.

·        You’re compatible. If you were together as a couple you’re bound to have some things in common that you can carry over and enjoy as friends. It’s great to be able to keep spending time together doing what you enjoy even if you’re not dating anymore.

·        There’s less pressure and more fun. You don’t have to worry about living up to each other’s expectations like you do when you’re together in a relationship. As friends you still get to spend time together but you can just have fun and forget about the pressures of being a couple.

Cons

·        You’re not used to hanging out as friends. It can be hard to spend time together as friends when you’re used to being in a romantic relationship. You might have to remind yourself not to reach out to hold hands or to do other things that you might have done when you were a couple.

·        Having to talk about new relationships. Friends typically talk to each other about who they are dating, so if you’re friends with your ex you might have to listen to them talk about their new boyfriend/girlfriend. This can be really hard, even if you think you’re over them.

·        They’ve seen your vulnerable side. We let our romantic partners see more personal sides of us than we do with our friends. It can be difficult to go from that close and personal relationship to one that is more casual after you’ve already been together.

·        It can be hard to forgive. If you want to be friends you’ll have to get over whatever problems you had as a couple and put them aside. If you’re not prepared to do this you might have a tough time being friends after you break up.

How to Survive A Breakup

Regardless of who broke up with whom, breaking up is tough. Even though it doesn’t seem like it, it WILL get better. Here are the Dos and Don’ts of how to make it through:

Do

·         Hang out with your friends.  Your friends will be your lifesavers during this time. Turn to them when you need a shoulder to cry on or when you need a distraction and want to have some fun. They’ll build you up and help give you confidence when you need it the most.

·         Start a new project. Start that blog you’ve always wanted to or start training for that half marathon. Having a fun new project on your plate will give you something positive to throw yourself into for a distraction and achieving a goal will give you something to feel good about.

·         Go easy on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about what went wrong or how you should have or could have done things differently. Cut out the negative self-talk and instead give yourself a break and be kind to yourself.

·         Give it space. You might think you want to be friends with your ex and one day you might be. But in the short term, give it some space. You need time to heal before you can expect to be BFFs with your ex. It’s also hard to go from holding hands one day and just being pals the very next. Don’t rush it. If you’re meant to be friends it will happen in due time.

·         Take good care of yourself. Too upset to eat or sleep? Try to do it anyway. Even if you’re really upset you need to make sure to take care of yourself. You’ll never feel better emotionally if you feel lousy physically.

·         Make a list. You’re probably going over and over all of the things you loved about him or her. But the truth is there were probably a lot of things that you didn’t like. Did they talk with their mouth full? Constantly interrupt you? Listen to music that drove you nuts? Make a list of all of the things that got on your nerves or that you didn’t like about your ex.

·         Enjoy the perks of being single. Flirt with someone else. Spend a whole weekend hanging out with your friends without feeling like you’re neglecting your significant other. Enjoy the freedom of being able to do whatever you want!

Don’t

·         Trash your ex. It might feel good in the short term to blast your ex all over Facebook or talk trash to anyone who will listen, but resist the urge and take the high road. In the long term you’ll feel badly about not being the bigger person. Stay classy.

·         Play games. Don’t pretend that you have a hot new boyfriend or girlfriend if you don’t. Don’t tell everyone that you were the one who broke up with them if you really were the one who got dumped. Playing games takes too much energy and it’s all focused in the wrong place. Just be yourself and you’ll be able to put the breakup behind you way faster than if you dwell on it and pretend to be something you’re not.

·         Beg. Even if you can’t imagine life without them, don’t beg them to take you back or stay with you. You want someone to be with you because they want to, not because you had to convince them or beg them.

·         Drown your sorrows. You should distract yourself with fun, positive activities with your friends, but don’t turn to drugs and alcohol to numb your feelings.

- See more at: http://psych-quotes.tumblr.com/post/44023855203/how-to-survive-a-breakup#sthash.SCitQ0pT.dpuf